Dustin Diamond to Write Saved By the Bell Tell-All

Sometimes a book deal is announced from some celebrity you forgot even existed, but quickly realize you can't live without.

This is the only possible reaction to news that Dustin Diamond, who starred as Samuel "Screech" Powers for 13 (!) years on Saved by the Bell, is going to publish a tell-all about the series called Behind the Bell.

According to Dustin Diamond's publisher, it promises to detail "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hard core partying."

Dustin Diamond then and now.

Hysterical as it would be to read an account of Mario Lopez snorting coke off the naked body of Lark Voorhees during an all-night drug-fueled orgy, this book deal can be attributed to one factor and one factor alone:

Dustin Diamond needs cash.

Ever since getting foreclosed upon by the ban, he's gotten mugged, been on Celebrity Fit Club, done an I Can't Believe It's Not Butter ad, and of course railed two chicks in that sex tape a year and a half ago.

These are actions of a pathetic and desperate man. Not that we're complaining by any means. Keep it the good work, Dustin Diamond!