Excerpts From Lynne Spears' Memoir

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As we reported yesterday, Lynne Spears - mom of Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears - is coming out with a new book about raising train wrecks parenting.

This shameless attempt to cash in would give even Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag pause. We can only imagine the wisdom she'll dispense.

Here are some excerpts The Hollywood Gossip would love to read ...

  • A key to raising a famous daughter is to replace breast milk with coffee. The instant addiction to caffeine will result in future, 1 am Starbucks runs that can be caught by paparazzi. Cha. Ching.
  • When Britney signed with Jive Records, I rewarded myself for all my hard work by signing the lease on a Range Rover.
  • Note to mothers whose untalented, teen daughters can only make news by getting pregnant: a thumb tack to a condom works every time!

  • I don't understand why people struggle coming up with baby names. You have a name, right? Your husband has a name? Voila!
  • Justin Timberlake seemed more interested in a legitimate music career than getting wasted ay Hyde every night. Naturally, he had to go.
  • Early on, I learned that Britney and Jamie Lynn will say okay to anything if you push them hard enough... and that OK! will pay for the story.
  • They say that people can't be trusted; but I've learned that People will shell out big bucks for crotch shots of my daughter.
  • Always keep In Touch...'s phone number by your bed. You never know when you need to alert them to your child's drunken whereabouts.
  • If Britney got tired in the studio, I'd remind her that no one ever bought their mom three mansions working a 9-to-5 job.
  • I haven't seen Bryan commenting on the lives of his sisters in public in months. Where did I go wrong with that boy??
  • Never lose touch with your small-town roots. But flaunting your newfound wealth around said small town never hurt anybody.
  • They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. But what are a thousand words about my daughter's naked pictures worth? Think about it.
  • I don't see what the big deal was over O.J. Simpson's book If I Did It. Shouldn't the murderer profit from his own work? It would be akin to Britney not receiving any royalties from Oops, I Did It Again.
  • Part of me felt Sam Lutfi was bad news, but he did such a great job of keeping Britney in the news, so I came to terms with it.
  • On one hand, Adnan Ghalib looked like a terrorist. On the other hand, his continual talk of a sex tape with Britney kept the money flowing.
  • Jayden James and Sean Preston are so cute - and just imagine when they grow old enough to give interviews to celebrity gossip magazines!
  • Britney needed to let loose and go have some fun after splitting with Kevin. Who better to welcome her back to the club scene than Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton? P.S. Dina is the best!
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Hahaha.
Britney's entire family is just as white trash as she is.
Her little sister can't even save her virginity past being potty trained, and both sisters must have been searching for the worst set of DNA to match with theirs. I thought this article was hilarious. What I find even funnier is that someone in the Spears family thinks they'll be able to word more than a page of logical or coherent thoughts. =P

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I'm not surprised that Britney and Jamie-Lynn have turned out the way they did. I saw an interview of Lynn Spears and she sounded SO stupid. I was actually flabbergasted.

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lmao ahhh this was funny

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This is sick! How could you do this to Britney? LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Britney Spears Biography

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Born
Birthplace
Kentwood, Louisiana
Full Name
Britney Jean Spears

Britney Spears Quotes

I miss it here so much! I love it so much! It makes me it's kinda like bittersweet coming here because I used to live here for two years. And when I come here, it's like, man, I wish I had my apartment here still.

Britney Spears [on New York City]

MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs?

Britney Spears
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