Spencer and Heidi: The New Face of Celebrity Gossip

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"Obviously we're entertainers. We are trying to entertain in every aspect of our lives." - Heidi Montag

The celebrity news world is simultaneously bursting and flat.

Broke and Gross

The unbalance of Britney Spears, the growing pains of Miley Cyrus and the druggy tailspin of Amy Winehouse - to name a few favorite plots - add up over the hours to grand narratives and debates about femininity, drug use, mental health, sexuality, motherhood, legal proceedings, parenting and violence.

But the celebrity gossip world is flat in that every story seems just as important as every other - and this is a monster that needs feeding.

That's what celeb news fame is now: Weekly, and sometimes hourly, we must have stories; the lives of the chosen people must appear to move forward.

Into the breach between supply and demand have stepped Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the villainous couple from MTV's docu-soap The Hills.

While Heidi Montag may not be the most famous, she's definitely fame-ish. Creatures of the game in every way, she and Spencer, the arch-enemies of Lauren Conrad, have mastered the new realities of celebrity culture.

The two know what commodity they're selling and what its value is: "There's only so much gossip," as Heidi said over lunch recently.

"We're always the juicier story," Spencer Pratt interjected.

Switching to the third person, he added, "Heidi and Spencer are gossip machines. Every day, it's like, 'What did Heidi and Spencer do?'"

Heidi and Spencer. "Speidi" for short.

He's 24, went to Crossroads School and then USC, having grown up in Santa Monica and the Palisades. She's 21 and was raised in Crested Butte, Colo., which she referred to as "the smallest place in the world."

Heidi Montag came to L.A. in August 2005 after a miserable fashion school year in San Francisco where she met Lauren Conrad, late of MTV's Laguna Beach, whose move to L.A. was to become the raison d'être for The Hills.

TMZ calls them "celebutards."

Perez Hilton calls them "famewhores" and "promosexuals."

Spencer Pratt's response: "Anybody who wants to promote our brand, negative or positive, give me a call."

Continue reading in the Los Angeles Times ...

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ALIA DIAMOND...WHAT LANGUAGE ARE U SPEAKING? I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT'S POSSIBLE FOR JANELLE TO AGREE WITH ANYTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EVEN SPEAKING ENGLISH!!

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oh my god they must be the most annoying people on the planet at the mo.they are so in to themselves and the fact people like that can get rich for being nasty and fake just makes us sick. spencer needs to get a proper job and heidi needs to realise she seems to portray in the programme that she is 2 faced and thats probably why she seems to have no true friends.she isn't a true celebrity she is just famous for the fights she seems to cause between people.heidi i truely feel sorry for u.

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i would like for the sex tape to be dropped if you ever were a friend you wouldnt talk about this let it go.if it wasnt for Lauren know one would even know you spencer get a real job and stop causing trouble.let evey one else be friends

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spencer's an ass and i agree with alia diamond that spencer is using heidi for fame and that she cant see it.I think she knows it but probably thinks that marrying will make him love her....news flash heidi..it wont, it's just another attempt to get noticed and eventually take all the money you have worked so hard for.......i feel so sorry for you, heidi when you grow a brain...listen to it when it says to leave spencer!! you'll be doing yourself and the whole world a favor....cause you are really beautiful and it sucks to see that you cant see a problem when it's right in front of you

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i honestly hate spencer cuz he has nuthin betta ta do wit hiz lyfe dan use a young n naive gurl ta get famous n heidi so fukkin dumb dat she cant c his stupid attempts at fame through her like everyone else. & heidi really needz ta stick 2 da fashion biz cuz she obviously has no career n singing....and wut gurl lets a guy tlk her n 2 turning her bakk on her friends?? seriously spencer get over ur self n let heidi soak up the fame she has ACTUALLY WORKED FOR n get off ur ugly ass n actually work for wut u wunt like normal ppl, if u wunt fame, work for it, dont use some beautiful gurl to get knoticed....heidi i think ur a beautiful gurl but ur nuthing but a puppet n spencer's eyes...please take the tyme to realize that u can do better(men wise)

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Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt need to just go away. No one cares about you!!!!

The Hills Quotes

Brody's girlfriend is pretty. With very large breasts.

Lauren Bosworth [on Cora Skinner]

Someone with a great sense of humor is the most important thing, and someone who really supports me in everything I do... I don’t ever want to make an excuse for trying to work hard and having my own life. I love a guy that supports that and loves that.

Lauren Conrad [on men]