Folks, brace yourselves.

This 911 call is anything but Vanilla... ummm, Ice.

Bad jokes aside, a bizarre call was placed to a police dispatcher April 10 after alleged rapper Vanilla Ice allegedly kicked and hit his wife Laura.

This call - obtained by TMZ - can be listened to here.

Vanilla Ice is a bit past his prime, and is experiencing personal issues as well.

Halfway through, Laura Ice (probably not her name, but that's what we're calling her) starts talking to the 911 operator like he's a couples counselor!

It's hilarious, albeit a little upsetting.

You may recall that Vanilla Ice (real name Robert Van Winkle) ended up being arrested and charged with battery after the aforementioned melee.