Tale of the Tape: Brooklyn Decker vs. Cynthia Rodriguez

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably never considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Two of our favorite athletes, Yankees slugger A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez) and tennis star A-Rodd (Andy Roddick) are no stranger to media attention - but it's their lovely significant others who have been getting equal exposure of late.

Let's see how Roddick's fiancee, model Brooklyn Decker, stacks up against Alex's better half, Cynthia Rodriguez, in a grueling 10-round bout. Ding, ding!

1. AGE

Brooklyn Decker: 20
Cynthia Rodriguez: 34
Edge: Brooklyn

2. FREQUENTLY WEARS ...

Brooklyn Decker: Bikini
Cynthia Rodriguez: Scowl
Edge: Brooklyn

3. NICKNAME

Brooklyn Decker: B-Deck
Cynthia Rodriguez: F-Rod
Edge: Cynthia

4. SPORTS ILLUSTATED SWIMSUIT ISSUES

Brooklyn Decker: 3 (2006-2008)
Cynthia Rodriguez: 1 (2004)
Edge: Brooklyn

5. HANGS WITH ...

Brooklyn Decker: SI's Dr. Z
Cynthia Rodriguez: Daughter Natasha
Edge: Cynthia

6. KNOCK ON FIANCE/HUSBAND

Brooklyn Decker: Can't win the big one; Return game, backhand and volleys are suspect for top ten player
Cynthia Rodriguez: Greedy, self-centered, bad teammate, not clutch
Edge: Cynthia

7. LIPS

Brooklyn Decker: Quite possibly the most perfect thing ever created
Cynthia Rodriguez: Umm... not purple like her husband's, at least
Edge: Brooklyn

8. HER MAN PREVIOUSLY PINED FOR ...

Brooklyn Decker: Mandy Moore
Cynthia Rodriguez: Jessica Canseco
Edge: Brooklyn

9. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MENTION ...

Brooklyn Decker: Roger Federer
Cynthia Rodriguez: Joslyn Noel Morse
Edge: Cynthia

10. SPORTS TERM THAT MAY ALSO APPLY TO SEX LIFE

Brooklyn Decker: Love-love
Cynthia Rodriguez: Getting to third base
Edge: Brooklyn

THE VERDICT: A strong fight all the way to the end by both competitors, but like her husband, Cynthia just couldn't come through when it matters most. It's Decker, the Sports Illustrated hottie, dispatching Mrs. Rodriguez, 6-4!

Brooklyn Decker Topless
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The super hot man Tim Gunn is crushing on (stalking I heard...is that true?!) told Tim to stay away because he has a girlfriend now and LEAVE HIM ALONE. That's right Tim, you are as meaningful as a paper bag covered in burger grease so the best you can do is scam on younger men hoping to get them. Is it true Tim Gunn dates Andy Roddick? NASTY!

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Bravo, Project Andy! The Roddicks really make it work!

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The Rodriguezes are great people, unafraid to display their personal weaknesses and strengths, whose names should never belong in the same sentence as the desperate wannabe Decker. The pure mention of the name "Brooklyn Decker" reminds me of a badly titled XXX flick, so I will refrain from saying it. Back to A-Rod, the press gives him and his wife a slew of bad headlines when they gain attention being who they are, faults and all. Dare I say it, Cynthia holds up better physically at age 34 than the other wannabe who shall not be named and is a kinder person to match her outer, God given beauty, who could most certainly teach the other girl a thing or two on how to be a lady. Kudos to them.