Thank goodness for the UK's News of the World.
Without that celebrity news (and we use the term loosely) tabloid, we'd swear that there were no great writing talents left in the world.
These people seriously make up some great celebrity gossip - not that it stops us from publishing it, since it's so damn funny.
The paper claims that Britney Spears' shady paparazzi lover, Adnan Ghalib, is trying to sell several videos of Spears for around $2 million.
Here's a description of each alleged clip featuring a ranting Britney that Adnan Ghalib allegedly has and wants to sell, as "seen by a NOTW source" ...
Britney Spears video #1: The singer sitting on her bed wearing a little nightie, mumbling to herself and apparently talking in the third person. "When Britney was a small child, she had to work really hard," Spears reflects. "When she was 13 years old, she won all the beauty pageants."
Britney Spears video #2: Wrapped in a towel on the bed and talking to herself, Spears says, "Britney has an angel looking out for her, don't you, angel?"
Britney Spears video #3: Talking to Adnan Ghalib, who is filming her, she says, "I'm really happy. Bubba's here for me now. It's all good."
Wow. Bubba. Bill Clinton would not be happy.
What's more, the NOTW reports, Adnan is reportedly keeping another three clips which show a hysterical talking in third person and screaming: "Britney wants to live. I'm not crazy! I miss the kids and I did love Kevin!"