These latest pieces of celebrity gossip from the UK's News of the World are just too ridiculous for words, so much so that we couldn't bring ourselves to put it in our headline, lest you actually confuse it for real celebrity news.

The venerable publication is claiming, with no apparent sign of a practical joke - that Britney Spears is - just wait for it and let it sink in - adopting Chinese twins.

The twins are said to be six years old and Spears is hoping they will feel the void left by losing her l'il mistakes, Sean Preston and Jayden James, to K-Fed.

Oh, and that's not it. The News reports that Britney Spears is afraid she's going to die soon, so she's spending $50,000 to plan her funeral ... right now.

Britney Spears: Extremely sane and hot; Possibly dying soon.

"It doesn't seem that Britney has thought this through completely. Adoption and a funeral? The two don't exactly go hand-in-hand. Paying for a funeral is, of course, a sensible thing to do â€" but not when you're only 25," said a source.

Good point, source. Not to mention the fact that $50,000 is a paltry sum to spend on your own funeral... if you make $730,000 a month, anyway. Cheapskate.

Can you imagine if Britney really adopted Chinese twins? Ding dang, here come mah new Chi-niece babies y'all. Yee-haw! God help us. China? Rolling in grave.