John Mayer sucks.
Not in an O.J. Simpson kind of way or anything. But if there were a plane full of celebrities about to crash into a mountain, we'd still want John Mayer as pilot.
His overplayed, overrated introspective pop-rock hits, abnormally large head, and hot girls' propensity to have sex with him all contribute to his suckitude. Is it unfair of us to despise him this much? Yes. Will it abate anytime soon? No.
You can imagine the feeling of waking up this morning to a photo of John Mayer and his reported new girlfriend, Friday Night Lights star Minka Kelly, outside Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica.
We'd rather get punched in the stomach than see this. The only positive is that this will probably run its course rather quickly and our dear, sweet Minka Kelly will be back on the market. At least we'll be praying for it.
John Mayer and Minka Kelly: Jelly?