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Based on his new single, we thought Kanye West was getting Stronger.

Guess the supposedly tough rapper meant Dorkier, though.

A Kanye Photo

At the Dior fashion show in Paris yesterday, Alexis Phifer looks embarrassed to be spotted next to her Steve Urkel look-alike of a fiance.

This is the dude who was gonna fight 50 Cent?!? He looks like he can barely handle Miley Cyrus.

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As Brad Womack searches for love on this year's edition of The Bachelor, he can find solace in this fact:

When If it doesn't work out with any of the pathetic, desperate women on the show, he can still marry someone else.

Vienna and Gia

Former Bachelor Andrew Firestone has proven as much.

The heir to the tire company fortune is set to marry model-actress Ivana Bozilovic. As film buffs know, she made an uncredited appearance as Female Rock Climber in Charlie's Angels.

This isn't the first time a star of The Bachelor has found love with a different woman than the one to whom he gave his final rose on the show. In fact, no Bachelor has ever found love with the woman to whom he gave his final rose on the show.

Andy Baldwin may still be dating Tessa Horst, but we doubt it.

All signs point to this stud betraying his country and getting it on with Ms. Iran Sepideh Haftgoli instead.

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After weeks of standing on the sidelines and weighing in on her friends' romances on The Hills, the lovely Lauren Conrad finally got a little action herself - at the birthday party for her ex, Brody Jenner, in Las Vegas.

After a surprise arrival in Las Vegas for pal Jenner's birthday, LC gave her hunky ex a birthday kiss, and then later, some "just-because" kisses. Sexy!

Paparazzi Mobs Perez, Speidi

While we don't think these two are officially back on, that Lauren Conrad sure is cute when she gives people those flirty eyes, don't you think?

Credit for their possibly rekindled romance has to go to Brody's bud, Frankie Delgado, who seemed to spend a lot of time convincing Lauren Conrad that the reason she and Brody used to fight was - what else - the presence of Spencer Pratt.

Speaking of Frankie Delgado, he got some action himself - from LC's namesake pal, Lauren Bosworth, a.k.a. Lo. The highlight of the night was a tipsy Lo falling over and flashing her friends, to which Lauren replied, "I just saw Lo's Britney!"

Yup, it was all good in Las Vegas... except for Justin Bobby. The boyfriend of Audrina Patridge (real name Justin Brescia), J-Bobby didn't say two words the whole time, despite the girls' efforts to engage him in conversation.

When Lo and LC confront Audrina regarding J-B's unwillingness to, you know, act like an adult and speak, Audrina lets them have it, saying "Okay, I'll blow him off, I'll never see him again, just to make you guys happy... I'm done!"

The high drama of the night goes to Heidi Montag's co-worker, Elodie. Still pissed over Heidi's promotion, she quits. Then, on her last day, Elodie agrees to cover a big event for Heidi, who wants to celebrate her anniversary with Spencer.

In one of the biggest, funniest, passive-aggressive bitch moves in Hills history, Elodie says sure, she'll cover for Heidi, knowing damn well she won't even be working at the company by that night. Details, right?

As a result of Elodie's mean maneuver, Spencer and Heidi's romantic dinner at Don Antonio's Mexican Restaurant is cut short when she gets an urgent call that the event she is supposed to be running is not staffed by... anyone!

Oh snap! Next up? If you thought the Lauren Conrad sex tape drama was over ... you were right. But that won't stop everyone from pointing fingers at each other regarding who spread the rumors in the first place!

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A favorite of the celebrity gossip world as well as the Democratic voting base, Sen. Barack Obama took an unusual break from the campaign trail ... to gaze into a crystal ball with talk show host Tyra Banks.

What does he see, Banks asked the charismatic 46-year-old presidential candidate? "I see the White House," he replied, matter-of-factly, on her show.

Barack Obama Debt Speech

Barack Obama also made clear that his wife and daughters are extremely particular on where they spend their nights on the campaign trail.

"This isn't a Hilton hotel, is it?" he said his 9-year-old daughter, Malia, will ask, as she keeps up with the news and does not approve of Paris Hilton.

"Parents have to realize, kids want limits, they want structure," he said. "They don't want you to be their best friend. They want you to be parents. If we had more parenting, then the kinds of influences we see on TV don't matter."

Tyra Banks and Barack Obama look into the future.

Barack Obama stressed that it is his wife, Michelle, the disciplinarian in the family, who keeps him in line, even making sure he stays off smoking.

She is also the role model to their two young daughters. Besides Malia, Michelle and Barack Obama are parents of 6-year-old Sasha.

"They know that no one has it more together than their mom," he said, also describing Michelle, 43, as "very strong, tough, self-possessed ... but she is also, I think, a person who feels very deeply."

While he did not reference #1 fan Amber Lee Ettinger in his interview with Banks, Obama was quick to talk about Michelle, who he met in law school.

"I offered to buy her ice cream," he recalled. "So we went to the Baskin-Robbins near my apartment, sat on the curb and ate ice cream."

"So, did you kiss her?" Tyra Banks wondered.

"After the ice cream, I must admit, I did," he said. "And she tasted like chocolate."

THG NOTE: This whole article is so nauseatingly cute, and at the same time absurd, that this celebrity gossip publication is pretty much left speechless.

The couple will be celebrating their 15th anniversary on Wednesday, Tyra Banks told the audience - their crystal anniversary, she said, thus the crystal ball.

Peering into the Illinois senator's iPod, Banks asked what he has on it: Jay-Z, Miles Davis, classical music, along with "some Bach... I got a little salsa, too."

Should there be a future movie about him, Obama said Denzel Washington could play him, though with the way his ears stick out, "It may have to be Will Smith."

Tyra Banks, 33, also took the opportunity of the senator's visit to talk about her brother, which, she pointed out, is something she does not do often.

Capt. Devon Banks is deployed in Afghanistan, she said, before requesting that Obama look directly into the camera and deliver a message to him.

"Devon, we are proud of you," the senator said. "We are grateful for your service. We want to get you back home as soon as possible. I know Tyra is thinking about you all the time, so make sure to send her an e-mail."

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Looks like O.J. Simpson's girlfriend learned from the best.

According to the Miami Herald, Christie Prody, 32, has been named in at least 18 police reports in Miami-Dade County since 2000, although only a few resulted in charges, and none led to jail time.

Guess you pick up some interesting things when you're dating a murderer.

Later this month, Simpson is due in court in Las Vegas to respond to charges of kidnapping and robbery - felonies that could send OJ to prison for decades.

But the football great's life between beating the rap for the 1994 murder of his ex-wife and her friend and the present day has been bumpy, to say the least.

The Miami-Dade police reports offer a glimpse of Simpson's life with Christie Prody since moving to South Florida after his "Trial of the Century" acquittal.

Below is a sampling - not even close to the whole list - of recent police incidents involving Christie Prody (above) and O.J. Simpson in South Florida ...

  • Christie Prody has accused OJ Simpson of entering her home illegally, stealing pages from her address book and erasing her voice mails.
  • Police have been called to break up loud fights between the couple five times in the past seven years.
  • Prody was ejected from a hotel near Miami International Airport in May 2000 for kicking and slapping Simpson.
  • She shoved him again on July 4, 2005, and then slapped one of his friends, according to various police reports.
  • Now-deceased sex tape broker David Hans Schmidt allegedly tried to shop a sex tape of OJ Simpson, Christie Prody and model Patty Kuprys, a video Simpson denied existed and threatened legal action over.
  • Christie Prody caused a rift between Simpson and his daughter Sydney, 21, in January 2003. Police found Sydney, then 17, alone in her bedroom. She told them she and O.J. were fighting because she did not like Prody.
  • Sydney's brother Justin, then 14, told investigators he got along fine with Prody ... after the local Department of Children & Families received 13 anonymous calls from Miami accusing Simpson of child abuse in 2003.
  • Prody was reprimanded by police in 2004 for using Simpson's disabled parking permit to park in a handicapped spot at Target.
  • Police recovered a stolen 30-foot motorboat - without its engines - from Simpson's property in 2003. It appeared Simpson had no involvement.
  • Federal agents raided Simpson's home in 2001 as part of an international drug investigation. Simpson wasn't charged in the Ecstasy ring.
  • Christie Prody was busted for marijuana possession in Southwest Miami last year. She paid a fine for the misdemeanor drug charge.
  • Prody was also fined by the city of Miami in 2002, pleading no contest to animal cruelty after her cat was found dead from abandonment.
  • Just two months ago, the Juice allegedly threatened to kill a local handyman who he hired to do some repairs, then accused of sleeping with Prody.

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As we pore over the performances from last night's Dancing with the Stars, one former contestant on the show admits she still hasn't gotten over the hip-shaking bug.

Lisa Rinna, whose body was transformed while she was on series "has never stopped [dancing]. I'm addicted to it," she told People magazine.

Fake Actress

And the former Days of Our Lives star isn't kidding: last week she and her season two Dancing with the Stars partner, Louis Van Amstel, launched Lisa and Louis's Cardio Ballroom classes at Doves Bodies, a Studio City, Calif., dance studio.

"We've been trying to open a studio for a year and a half and I finally said, I'm sick of this. Let's start a class," Rinna said.

The first class attracted a couple of well-known moms, too: Holly Robinson Peete and Cindy Crawford.

Meanwhile, Rinna still finds time to watch the ABC reality competition, commenting on the early season favorites:

"That Cheetah Girl (Sabrina Bryan) is amazing...My mouth dropped to the floor. I said to my daughter ‘that's her first dance! In all my time on the show I never looked like that.' And she looked at me and said ‘I know.'

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Yankees superstar Derek Jeter will need a hot bat if New York is to surpass the upstart Cleveland Indians in this week's American League Division Series.

But no matter what, he has a hot girlfriend in Gabrielle Union!

Gabrielle Union Picture

Don't hate. Derek Jeter can't help being awesome at baseball and good looking. In fact, he's a classy, modest guy - remarkable for someone with four rings who hits .317 career and has slept with Jessica Alba, Mariah Carey and Jessica Biel.

According to the New York Post, Jeter and Union are now a couple, though. And damn, she's hot. Take a look at this photo of Derek's newest girlfriend ...

Best known for roles in Bad Boys and Bring It On, Gabrielle Union is a beautiful actress and model who has dated a number of notable athletes. In fact, she was married for four years to Chris Howard of the Jaguars... and went out with Jason Kidd in high school. She's also been linked to Javon Walker. And Ludacris.

Yeah. Here's hoping that she finds a little stability with the Yankees shortstop, who she was linked to as far back as February, and denied dating at the time!

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George Clooney and Sarah Larson are almost an old, married couple in the eyes of entertainment news reporters who need new pairings to gossip about.

Fortunately for them, we've found one: Cameron Diaz and Bradley Cooper.

A Very Happy Couple.

The ex-girlfriend of Justin Timberlake and ex-husband of Jennifer Esposito reportedly just spent a romantic New York weekend together.

They dined at Asia de Cuba at Morgans Hotel and then hit the Saturday Night Live after-party at Primehouse on Park Avenue South. We can only assume they spent that part of the night praising the genius of Andy Samberg.

Here's how one witness described Diaz and Cooper's interactions:

They "were very close and lovey. Something is definitely going on, and it's clear they are more than just friends."

So let's name this new couple, readers. Dooper? Bam... eron? What do you think?

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Okay, don't answer that, Columbus Short. Or you, J.R. Rotem. Or all of you, Isaac Cohen, Jason Filyaw, Howie Day, Matt Encinias, Criss Angel, Shannon Funk and Daimon Shippen. That's just a rhetorical question, aight?

She may have lost custody of her kids as of yesterday, but Britney Spears is still making good music. Or at least music. We've gotten ahold of the lyrics to one of her deep, passionate new songs, entitled "Piece of Me."

In the song, the mother of Jayden James and Sean Preston, seen here going after celebrity news media with an umbrella in February, blames all her problems on being famous and says that the public eye ruins her life.

"You want a piece of me? Come get it, y'all!"

There's even one line (see below), in which Britney sings (and we use that term loosely): "Don't matter if I step on the scene or sneak away to the Philippines, they still got pictures of my derrière in the magazine."

Three points about this, before we move on...

  1. There's a good chance this is the worst rhyme of all time. No one sneaks away to the Philippines. Come on. That's the best you can do?
  2. There's no way Britney Spears knows what derrière means.
  3. Maybe her rear end (that's what it means!) wouldn't be in magazines if she wouldn't run errands or go clubbing in no underwear! Often!

Anyway. Here are the lyrics to "Piece of Me."

I'm Miss bad media karma
Another day another drama
Guess I can't see no harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I'm still an exception
And you want a piece of me

Continue Reading...

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Give Kate Middleton some credit at least: the eventual Queen of England is wearing underwear in the photo below.

Therefore, she's already worlds classier than Katie Price, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

Still, we can see a bit of a region that someone who may sit on the throne in a few years should probably keep completely covered up. You're not Tila Tequila, Kate. You're held to the highest of standards in Great Britain.

Kate Middleton Upskirt

We like Kate Middleton a lot. But would Chelsy Davy ever be caught with her thong showing?

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