Tale of the Tape: Lauren Conrad vs. Matt Leinart

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably have never even considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Earlier this week, the claws came out as TV cheerleaders Hayden Panettiere and Minka Kelly (meow!) battled for Hollywood Gossip glory. Today, a pair of cute SoCal products go head to head. Who will emerge victorious when Lauren Conrad goes 10 grueling rounds with Matt Leinart? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

1. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TIES

Lauren Conrad: Born in Newport Beach, grew up in Laguna Beach, attends Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising
Matt Leinart: Born and raised in Santa Ana, started for three years at quarterback for USC
Edge: Matt

2. ONE-TWO PUNCH

Lauren Conrad: Audrina Patridge, Whitney Port
Matt Leinart: Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald
Edge: Lauren

3. NOTABLE FLINGS

Lauren Conrad: Stephen Colletti, Jason Wahler, Brody Jenner
Matt Leinart: Kristin Cavallari, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton
Edge: Matt

4. BIGGEST WEAKNESS

Lauren Conrad: Hollywood clubs, bad boys
Matt Leinart: Hollywood clubs, weak-side blitz
Edge: Even

5. MARKETABILITY

Lauren Conrad: Has her own reality show, The Hills, and her own fashion line, plus numerous endorsement deals and a great magazine internship
Matt Leinart: Signed six-year, $51M contract with Arizona Cardinals
Edge: Matt

6. MAJOR ACCOLADES

Lauren Conrad: Teen Choice Award for Favorite Reality Star
Matt Leinart: Heisman Trophy
Edge: Matt

7. CONTROVERSIAL INCIDENT

Lauren Conrad: Sex tape rumors
Matt Leinart: Custody and child support battle with Brynn Cameron
Edge: Lauren

8. BUSH CONNECTION

Lauren Conrad: Rich Orange County parents probably voted for George W.
Matt Leinart: Played with Reggie at USC, sees plenty in free time
Edge: Matt

9. MEMORABLY BLEW ...

Lauren Conrad: Jason Wahler.
Matt Leinart: A 23-3 fourth quarter lead against the Bears.
Edge: Even

10. MEMORABLY THREW ...

Lauren Conrad: ... down with that bitch Heidi Montag.
Matt Leinart: ... the game-winning TD pass to Larry Fitzgerald in Week 14 against the first-place Seahawks
Edge: Lauren

THE VERDICT: Matt Leinart squeaks out a 6-4 win over LC, but lest Lauren be disappointed by her showing, rest assured: we'd much rather watch a new episode of The Hills than an Arizona Cardinals game. They are bad! Every year! It's uncanny.