There's really nothing funny about Ving Rhames' dogs allegedly killing their caretaker. So we're always grateful for Michael Vick news.

The embattled NFL quarterback, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, is considering a plea bargain that would halt the investigation against him in exchange for cooperation and a sentence that is not yet known.

But apparently he's got other problems. Vick has been hit with a $63,000,000,000 lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star not only stole his pit bull, but sold them on eBay to buy missiles. From Iran.

We're serious. The story about Vick getting sued is on a real news site! Check that, it's on Fox News. But a lot of people read that!

Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.

Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for the dogfighting ring he's in hot water over.

The complaint goes on to allege that Michael Vick sold the dogs on eBay and "used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government."

Man, this guy is a loon. Jonathan Lee Riches doesn't seem too sane, either.

The complaint also alleges Vick would "need those missiles" because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year. Naturally.

"Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes," Riches wrote in the paperwork for the lawsuit.

Riches wants $63 billion "backed by gold and silver" delivered to Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in S.C., where he's serving a wire fraud conviction.

In related news, The Hollywood Gossip is preparing a $36 million lawsuit after suffering immense retina pain due to the eye popping reaction over seeing Heidi Klum nude. Gosh.