It's difficult - and scarier than a photo of Dita Von Teese naked - to get into the mind of Lindsay Lohan. But here's what our celebrity gossip staff assumes she's thinking:
I'm already going to jail for being an irresponsible drunk. Why not break every law I come across on the way?
At least this line of reasoning would provide the Firecrotch Queen with a semblance of rationale after Louis Vuitton reps claim the mediocre actress made off with bags of their stuff. Yup, she went all Winona Ryder during a recent photo shoot, reportedly.
After Lohan completed an Elle cover shoot, sources say she "kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist's assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take themâ€¦ Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls."
It really was just a matter of time before the skank that stole the heart of Calum Best and countless other men did the same to a line of clothing.
Of course, when Dina Lohan is your mother, you haven't exactly been raised to follow any rules.
Is it also the fault of celebrity news reporters that you're a lying thief, Dina Lohan?
As her daughter deals with the aforementioned accusations, the mother that makes Asia Nitollano look like a role model is being sued for fraud in Las Vegas by businessman Antonio Almeida. He claims she failed to return $400,000 he lent her four years ago to kick-start Lindsay's music career.
The New York Post says Almeida's lawyer, A. Raymond Hamrick, claims some of the dough was used to record songs with Gloria Estefan's husband, Emilio Estefan, who formed Miami Sound Machine. But Lindsay bolted in the middle of the sessions when she got a deal with Casablanca Records.
"My clients were out their money," Hamrick said.
We wouldn't put anything past Dina Lohan. We just hope someone rescues Ali Lohan from this mess of a family before it's too late.