Suri Cruise Makes a Break For It!

I'm free!!!! I'm free!!!! Bound by the shackles of Scientology for over a year, little Suri Cruise attempts to flee as her robotic mother looks on…

Poor Suri Cruise. The small, cute tot may have lots of energy, but little does she know, she stands absolutely no chance of escape from the powers that be.

The expression on Katie Holmes‘ face tells it all. She's already canceled Suri's credit cards and implanted an electronic honing device in her ankle, so any bid for freedom will be quickly quashed. Before long, Leah Remini will track her down, toss her into a burlap sack and carry her back to prison (without bars).

Holmes may look like Victoria Beckham, but she's no fool. Suri will have to wait until age 18 to legally emancipate herself from Katie and Tom Cruise.

At least l'il Jayden James Federline should have an easier time, should he ever decide to make a break for it. Mom and dad aren't the sharpest tools in the shed.