You'd think Shanna Moakler would be as accustomed to breaking up with Travis Barker as celebrity gossip followers are of seeing Britney Spears crotch shots.
Still, that doesn't make it easy.
"We separated, and for me it's very disappointing," Moakler admitted while attending the HER Energy Drink Luau, a benefit for the Nicole Brown Foundation at L.A.'s Playboy Mansion on Saturday. "I consider him the love of my life."
The former Miss USA and Dancing with the Stars contestant didn't comment on the recent Amy Polumbo scandal, but she did say:"I think the demise of a marriage is like a death, and there is a mourning that goes with it. It's devastating."
Nevertheless, this is a woman with no regrets. The couple, who appeared on MTV's series Meet the Barkers, married in 2004, divorced in 2006 and reconciled briefly this year before calling it quits again in July. Like Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, it was a reality TV marriage that just wasn't meant to be.
"I know that I gave it 100 percent, and I really tried," she says. "Where it's going to go I have no idea."
Despite showing up at the skin-baring bash and fashion show at the Playboy Mansion â€" which was also attended by Denise Richards, Kim Kardashian and a bevy of bikini-clad beauties â€" Moakler is not jumping back into the dating game any time soon.
"I'm kind of getting back to myself, my work and things like that," she says. "I'm going out with my girlfriends and going to fun places like this, trying not to think about it."
Instead, besides appearing in an upcoming episode of HBO's Entourage and hosting The CW's beauty pageant reality series Crowned, she's focusing on what's best for her children: Atiana, 8 (fathered by ex-fiancÃ© Oscar de la Hoya), Landon, 3, and Alabama, 19 months.
Barker, she says, is helping with the kids, too.
"I think, more than anything, Travis and I have the main goal of trying to be the best parents for our children that we can be. So whatever that entails, we'll definitely do 100 percent."