Man. And we thought Alex Rodriguez was in a dogfight to save his marriage after those photos of him with stripper mistress Joslyn Noel Morse were leaked by the New York Post.
Turns out, he's got it easy compared to Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, who was indicted on federal charges related to illegal dogfighting.
Yes, dogfighting in the literal sense. As in dogs brutally maiming and killing each other.
Anyway. Michael Vick was charged with illegal competitive dogfighting, with the Feds saying he's involved in the gruesome training pit bulls to fight other dogs.
Authorities searched Michael Vick's property and found 54 pit bulls and a host of brutal items including a "rape stand," used to hold dogs in place for mating; a treadmill modified for dogs, and a bloody piece of carpet.
Graves of seven pit bulls were found inside "Bad Newz Kennels," a Virginia property owned by Vick. The dogs were allegedly killed - after testing whether they would be good fighters.
According to documents, dogfights end when one dog dies or backs down. Dogs are sometimes put to death by drowning, strangulation, hanging, gunshots or electrocution.
Yikes. And we thought the Humane Society was pissed at Britney Spears.
The indictment alleges Vick and co-defendants began sponsoring dogfights in early 2001, the former Virginia Tech star's rookie year with the Falcons.
This isn't the first legal problem for Michael Vick, who once gave herpes to a girl (knowingly), then was sued for negligence and battery by her, at which point it was learned that he sought treatment for the STD under the super-clever alias Ron Mexico.
Bottom line? Michael Vick is a moron.
But our celebrity news reporters are torn. Dog fighting is so barbaric... but Vick led one of our teams to the fantasy football title a year ago. Maybe they will lock him up but set him up with a "supervised release" program for 16 Sundays next fall.
Or we could just draft Tom Brady instead. There's a guy who can really hit a tight end, if you know what we're talking about.