Lindsay Lohan Drives Drunk, Recklessly: The Blow-by-Blow Account

I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want.
- Lindsay Lohan

That quote pretty much sums up the breaking celebrity news regarding Lindsay Lohan's drunken, dangerous antics over the weekend.

But, thanks to TMZ, we can actually take you through the step-by-step account of what took place late Sunday night. The three men who were in the car with Dina Lohan's spoiled alcoholic of a daughter recounted the tale. Sit back and prepare for the shocking details...

Part One
TMZ interviewed all three men who were in the car with the Firecrotch Queen that night and here's the lowdown: Rewind to Monday afternoon. Dante Nigro, Jakon Sutter and Ronnie Blake drove to Malibu with the boyfriend of Lindsay Lohan's assistant. Lindsay and her assistant ran into Dante and friends.

Later, the assistant text-messaged Dante, saying Lindsay wanted to invite him to a Malibu party that night.

Later, Dante says, he and his friends drove to the party. Dante and the assistant's boyfriend were let in, but Jakon and Ronnie were rejected and stayed outside. Dante says Lindsay was never without a drink during the evening and he even did a shot with her.

These guys were reportedly in the car with Lindsay Lohan when she made worse driving decisions than Nicole Richie over the past weekend.

At one point, Lindsay's assistant and her boyfriend walked outside and got into an argument. Lindsay came out and got angry at her assistant. The assistant then said, "I quit," which enraged Lindsay.

Part Two
Ronnie says Lindsay looked "very messed up" and "raging." (sort of like Britney Spears, all the time, we'd imagine.)

Dante and crew were ready to leave. The GMC Denali they were in belonged to Dante, but he was sitting in the front passenger seat. Ronnie and Jakon were in the back seat. The assistant's boyfriend was behind the wheel. The keys were in the ignition when the assistant's boyfriend got out and continued the argument with his girlfriend. She then got in her car and left.

According to the group, Lindsay suddenly jumped in the driver's seat of the Denali, started the engine and began driving - chasing the assistant's car. Ronnie says he was so fearful, he jumped out of the vehicle as it accelerated. Just as he hit the ground, he says Lindsay ran over his foot and just kept going.

Dante and Jakon say Lindsay then hit Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Dante says he tried to grab the wheel, prompting Lindsay to say, "If you touch me I'll sue you." Jakon says they pleaded with her to stop.

Part Three
Dante says they were going 100 MPH. They say Lindsay caught up with the assistant and began doing circles on PCH, around the assistant's car.

They say at one point, Lindsay boasted, "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want."

Part Four
The now former assistant finally lost Lindsay on PCH. Dante says Lindsay thought the assistant was going to her mother's house in Santa Monica so Lindsay went there. It just so happened that the assistant's mother was pulling into the driveway as Lindsay - who is making Spencer Pratt seem likable - arrived.

Dante says the mother panicked at Lindsay's crazy driving, and backed out of the driveway in fear - not knowing who was behind the wheel. The guys say Lindsay then began to chase her at speeds of up to 80 MPH through Santa Monica, blowing multiple red lights.

Dante realized the mother was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn't stop she'd get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, "I'm a celebrity. I'm not going to get in trouble." Of course, Jason Wahler may argue with Lohan on this point.

The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving."

Dante and Jakon say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over. As Ronnie put it "It was pretty much the worst night of my entire summer."

Lohan's reps had no comment.