Britney Spears' New Man Revealed: Daimon!

But, we can hear the masses asking collectively, "Damon who!?"

Could it be acclaimed actor Matt Damon? Or Yankees outfielder Johnny Damon? Lost creator Damon Lindelof? What about Damon, that weird gay guy in Mean Girls?

Who's to say? Sure as hell not this celebrity news site.

Us Weekly, though, is a better blog than we. Well, this time. We give credit where it's due.

After all, they (sort of) solved the mystery behind Britney Spears' new boyfriend.

His first name, apparently, is Damon.

Whatever the hell is last name is, he might as well change it to Stepdad.

He and Britney Spears were recently spotted playing in the pool and then going to church services with her two sons.

Damon carried Sean Preston, 22 months, into the church (while Mom held a sleeping Jayden James, 10 months) and then comforted the toddler when he started crying.

The Hollywood Gossip Note: * sniff *

It was a week of wining and dining for Britney and her mystery new man, which included a July 4 candlelit dinner at the Four Seasons' Windows Lounge in L.A.

Damon then slept over at her Beverly Hills pad. One thing led to another, we have to think. Right? We're talking about Britney Spears naked, and not in the pool this time.

On July 5, Brit and the no-neck chauffeur took in a showing of the musical Wicked (well, part of it, they left after 45 minutes) and, later, stopped for drinks at L.A.'s Chateau Marmont hotel, where Spears giggled, kissing Damon as he touched her face.

How long will the romance last? Will "Damon" tell all to London's The Sun in a month? How does Kevin Federline feel about it? We don't know. But we sure will keep you posted.