Britney Spears, Naked Kids, Mystery Man Frolick in Pool

Our apologies to all fans who momentarily thought they could get a look at Britney Spears nude here today. Not gonna happen, sadly.

However, we offer you the next best thing. Britney and her no-neck mystery man frolicking in the pool at her Malibu estate with her two sons!

PHOTO CREDIT: TMZ / Flynet

Here, the naked Jayden James Federline is being handed off by the alleged man, who may be a bodyguard, chauffeur or boyfriend, or any or all of the above.

Meanwhile, Sean Preston Federline patiently waits his turn. What a l'il pimp! He doesn't need to cry or be passed around or wear pants. Pants are for suckaz.

It's either hard to find swimsuits for kids in L.A., or they've been reading too much about their nudity-loving mother in various online celebrity news publications.

Is Britney Spears dating this man? We have no frickin' idea. What is his name? No clue on that, either. Help us out if you can. But we can tell you two things:

1. Amy Winehouse wears that hairstyle better. And can sing.
2. Sean Preston and Jayden James' estranged grandma, Lynne Spears, was nowhere to be found.