And breathe a sigh of relief because the following is NOT a Harry Potter spoiler.
Instead, it's a very positive review by The New York Times of the final installment in the wonderful series by J.K. Rowling.
The Times purchased a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in a New York City bookstore Wednesday and then reviewed the 759-page volume in its news section today. And not since news of possible Lindsay Lohan nude photos broke have we been so excited.
That's because the paper's critic, Michiko Kakutani, gives the book a glowing review and especially approves of the "heart-racing, bone-chilling" ending, which she does not reveal.
Comparing Rowling's achievement to that of The Wizard of Oz author L. Frank Baum and Lord of the Rings chronicler J.R.R. Tolkien, the review likens Harry to King Arthur, Spider-Man and Luke Skywalker.
We're just glad he didn't include Perez Hilton in the comparison.
A "monumental, spellbinding epic," says Kakutani, who brushes off "some lumpy passages of exposition and a couple of clumpy detours" in favor of praising "Rowling's astonishingly limber voice."
Meanwhile, Rowling's American publisher, Scholastic, Inc., is taking legal action against two distributors, Levy Home Entertainment and DeepDiscount.com, for shipping the book ahead of schedule and helping people spoil the adventures of Harry Potter, Hermone Granger and friends.
The Hollywood Gossip has even been yelled at for printing images from the tome. But we do apologize and vow to just make fun of Britney Spears from now on.