The day this actually takes place is the day men stop searching online for Holly Madison nude photos.
Nevertheless, it's our job to report on any and all celebrity gossip rumors. So brace yourself for this breaking American Idol news:
According to the reputable source The National Enquirer, Paula Abdul may have a lot more to whine about in the near future: Britney Spears will be replacing her as a judge on the smash FOX reality show.
Also being kicked to the curb in this scenario? Randy Jackson, everyone's favorite dawg.
While this seems about as likely as Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag ever being friends again, here's what The Enquirer story said:
A major house-cleaning triggered by sinking ratings means Randy Jackson's out as a judge next season, Dawgâ€¦ and so is ding-dong wack-a-doodle Paula Abdul!
"Ratings this year were the lowest in two years - one week, even House beat it," said a show insider. "The belief is that things have gotten stale, and American Idol is now American Idle. They really want to mix things up, create a whole new set, institute format changes - and get rid of Paula and Randy, replacing them with younger faces."
Warning: Put on your dark glasses before reading this blinding lash, Idol fans - at the top of Fox's wish list isâ€¦ Britney Spears!
Right. And next on the list is Antonella Barba.
At times like this, we wish The Enquirer would focus on important, valid stories instead of just making stuff up. For example: How long until Rumer Willis ends up in rehab?