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Thanks to People for this collection of celebrity sound bites...

"If I was her, I would hit someone the second I got in there and go into PC, protective custody. Then she's just got to sit in there and read some books."
- Law & Order: SVU star Ice-T, when asked by New York magazine if he had any advice for Paris Hilton before she went to jail.

THG NOTE: Kind of similar to our initial (Office Space-inspired) advice to her, which was to either kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch.

"What can I say besides... farewells are always difficult."
- Rosie O'Donnell, responding to fan support over her feud with her View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, during her regular blog Web cast. ABC and O'Donnell announced Friday that she's not returning to the show.

"On this one I think Rosie should win. I think anybody that's against the war in Iraq is the winner of the fight, because to justify the war in Iraq ... only an imbecile could do that."
- Rosie's former nemesis Donald Trump, siding with O'Donnell in her feud with Hasselbeck

"I feel fabulous... When I wake up in the morning and I haven't had my coffee and I stumble downstairs, I'm like, '... Oh, s---' I completely forget that I've done this. And I have a few moments where I'm, like, 'Who's that?'"
- X-Men star Anna Paquin, on joining the ranks of Hollywood stars who've gone blonde

"They were very sweet and they poured me a vodka and orange juice and then I was fine."
- Eva Mendes, on having to be coaxed to do her very first on-screen nude scene with Joaquin Phoenix for her new film We Own the Night

"To think that Yoko Ono would even see it makes me want to throw up."
- Paul Rudd, discussing taking on the role of John Lennon in the rock-biopic parody Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, to Entertainment Weekly

"Both are ways to make a good dishonest living."
- Keith Richards, on snorting his dad. Just kidding. What the guitar god refers is being a rock star compared to a pirate. Keith portrays Johnny Depp's dad in the new Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. Depp has admitted his portrayal of the character is based on Richards.

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Rachel Smith made like the President Bush's approval rating last night: amidst a series of booing from the crowd, she slipped and fell.

Somewhere, Rosie O'Donnell is probably ready to stomp her into the ground. But it's possible we digress.

Moving past the incident involving Miss USA (who finished fifth), we're proud to announce that Riyo Mori of Japan took home the Miss Universe crown last night.

The 20-year old dancer was overcome with emotion as the announcement was made, throwing her hands over her mouth and probably telling herself to remain sober now in order to avoid the fate of other beauty pageant winners such as Katie Rees.

"She is an amazing champion, an amazing woman and I hear that they go totally insane in Japan, so that's good," said Donald Trump, who co-owns the pageant with NBC.

Trump, of course, is familiar with how Tara Conner went totally insane after her Miss America victory.

Let's all hope the same fate doesn't befall Mori.

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Mo'Nique has to pick up her game.

The host of Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School is faced with the task of turning women with less than perfect manners into models of decorum.

In other words: the opposite of oral sex-loving Lily Allen.

So far, so not too good for Mo'Nique, however. One contestant from the show has already made a sex tape, in which a very nude Jennifer Toof holds little back.

Now, Larissa Aurora (aka "Bootz") is almost baring it all in a racy new calendar. 

While neither gal would win the title of Miss Manners, you can decide which should be Miss Hottie. Or does Holly Madison nude automatically win that award?

Of course, Carmella DeCesare is doing what she can to make that a close vote. Don't forget to let us know your take on that battle, as well.

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Actress Keira Knightley has accepted a 3,000-pound (6,000 dollar, 4,460 euro) settlement of her libel claim against London's Daily Mail over a story suggesting she was responsible for the death of an anorexic teen.

Scarlett Johansson Nude Photo

Much as we love making skinny jokes and constant cracks about Keira Knightley's weight, or lack thereof (snap!) we have to admit that's a ridiculous claim.

It would be like blaming Lily Allen every time some girl gives blow jobs on a school playground or holding Lindsay Lohan responsible for every DUI in Southern California.

Keira Knightley also said the story "falsely suggested" that she suffered from eating disorders.

We're just going to take a pass on that one.

Kate Wilson, representing Associated Newspapers, the publisher of the Daily Mail, told a court Thursday that Knightley was not responsible for a death, and that Knightley "does not have an eating disorder, and has not misled the public."

In January, the Daily Mail published a Keira Knightley photo of her in a bikini with the headline: "If pictures like this one of Keira carried a health warning, my darling daughter might have lived."

Knightley's lawyer, Simon Smith, said the article could be interpreted to say that she was personally responsible for the death of Sophie Mazurek, 19, who had suffered from anorexia.

The Love Actually and comic porn star, who was not present in court, intends to donate the settlement to Beat, an eating disorder and mental illness charity.

Then, she and Rupert Friend plan on being photographed somewhere in London looking frightening and gaunt.

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Singer Lily Allen was once expelled from school for channeling her inner Antonella Barba.

Yes, she was suspended for being a mediocre singer.

Sam Cooper and Lily Allen

Not!

But seriously folks. What got the British singing sensation in trouble way back when was her penchant for performing sex acts at recess. Really.

In a recent interview, Lily Allen revealed that back in the day, she got kicked out of school for:

"Doing things that I shouldn't have been doing with boys that I shouldn't have been doing at that young age. Smoking cigarettes, drinking."

It's better than crashing one's car (*cough* Lindsay Lohan) when coked up and drunk. When pushed about what she was doing with boys, Allen laughed:

"I was giving blow jobs."

Move over, Kelis. You and your milkshake have company.

Sadly, when asked for more details, Lily Allen's lips - unlike back on the ol' playground - were uncharacteristically sealed.

"I don't want to go into it," she said. "It's not good."

Lily apparently meant it when she said she was more of a bad girl than pseudo-rival alt-Brit pop star Amy Winehouse.

Heck, Amy is an old married lady who can't stop singing the praises of Blake Fielder-Civil. She's practically over the hill!

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Amy Winehouse may think her new husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is great.

But that's nothing compared to the feelings of gratitude another Blake possesses for American Idol.

Seen here, Blake Lewis is performing in front of a slew of new fans. Despite his second place finish on the world's most popular reality show, the beat boxer from Bothell (Washington) is certainly not short on supporters.

And the ones in the front row aren't half bad looking, either. Should Antonella Barba be jealous?

Or should these ladies be worried? After all, Blake's most talked about rendition this season was a cover of the Bon Jovi classic, "You Give Love a Bad Name." So consider yourself warned, fans. Lewis may be a heart breaker in the mold of Simon Monjack.

Or he may just like that song.

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The Hollywood Gossip has learned to never say never when it comes to celebrity couples reuniting.

Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker taught us that lesson.

Now, the supposedly selfish, definitively handicapped Heather Mills is telling friends she'd actually like a second chance with Paul McCartney. Even - gasp! - if it costs her millions of dollars.

Such an admission came in a heart-to-heart with a close pal at the American Idol after show party in Los Angeles last week. The friend revealed: "She said she'd been devastated by the divorce and has become an emotional wreck.

"Heather doesn't care about the huge load of money coming her way. She'd much rather be happily married than rich and miserable."

This comes as a shock to us. It's like hearing that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would rather enjoy a quiet night alone than pose for every camera they see.

"She said she would gladly give back every penny for another shot at happiness with Paul," the source continued."She loved being married to him and it was the biggest regret of her life that things became so awful between them that divorce was the only option."

It looks like Dancing with the Stars may have truly changed Mills, as it has for so many celebs before her.

At one point during the bash at the Mondrian Skybar, one of LA's hottest nightspots, Heather was seen gazing mournfully out over the glittering skyline.

One surprised guest said: "She didn't sound like the total money-grabber we all thought she was. It's clear she still cares for Paul."

Wow. Next thing you know, word will spread that Paris Hilton's pussy is actually well taken care of.

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We apologize for this post right away, because it makes Amy Winehouse's lovey-dovey comments on Blake Fielder-Civil seem monumentally important.

This is celebrity gossip at its worst. The kind of thing you're forced to report when you're working a double shift on a national holiday.

Mrs Cruise Photo

It's either a slow news decade in Louisiana, or Katie Holmes gets a lot more publicity than is really necessary.

We're guessing it's the latter, but we're happy to report that for the crew working on Katie Holmes' new movie, Mad Money, in Shreveport, La., TGIF means "Treats and Goodies, It's Friday."

Forgive us while we pull a Mischa Barton and go throw up the treats and goodies we ate last night.

The actress has been treating her fellow cast and crew to a tasty surprise every week. This Friday's special? Snow cones in "every flavor you could think of," an insider tells People.

"We're always wondering all week, 'What's Katie going to do this Friday?" the source says. "The snow cones were great because it's in the high 80s. They melt fast, but it's great."

A snow cone truck pulled up to the set around 3 p.m. Friday, and as word spread among the cast and crew, a line quickly formed to share in the shaved ice and flavored syrup treats that are popular in the South.

Lame as she is, you have to commend Katie's good spirit. You think porn star Katee Holmes treats the staff of her films like this?

Or Lindsay Lohan? The raging Crotch of Fire would probably just have her dealer roll in and distribute flasks, dime bags and eight balls.

Since shooting began on Mad Money, a comedy also staring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Ted Danson, Holmes has treated the entire cast and crew â€" 200-300 people â€" to a treat!

"The first Friday was smoothies," the insider says. "Then we had the ice cream, pizza, cupcakes, Coke floats and now snow cones."

No, not the Lohan kind of coke.

Hubby Tom Cruise and daughter Suri Cruise are frequent visitors to the set.

Suri Cruise was even there on Friday without Tom Cruise.

"She was walking down the hall today - someone waved and said 'hi,' and she just giggled," says the source. "She's a happy baby."

Good to see the spirit of Scientology is strong with her.

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Mischa Barton is not one to let other bad actresses outshine her.

After a week that saw Lindsay Lohan charged with DUI and Tori Spelling put in her place by Mary Jo Eustace, Barton jumped back into the headlines by reacting badly to medication.

Allergic to Food

TMZ has learned that the former star of The OC was rushed to the hospital last night after suffering an adverse reaction to prescribed pills.

Sources say the pot smoker was at a friend's Memorial Day BBQ, enjoying a few holiday cocktails, when she began to feel ill.

Mischa, who had been quite sick with bronchitis since traveling to Cannes, London and Paris the past several weeks, didn't realize that you can't exactly mix alcohol with antibiotics.

But it's hard to thin blame the star: she so rarely puts anything in her mouth. How could she know? Well, unless friend and fellow fainter Nicole Richie had passed along such advice.

The 21-year-old was rushed to an undisclosed medical facility in Los Angeles, where insiders say she is "resting comfortably." Don't expect ex-boyfriend Cisco Adler to visit her any time soon, though.

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Amy Winehouse may sing that "love is a losing game."

But in snaring a great catch in Blake Fielder-Civil, she believes she's emerged a winner.

Amy Winehouse and Reg Traviss

The 23-year-old singer and possible future James Bond girl, who married Blake Fielder-Civil last week, raved about her new husband Thursday at Britain's Ivor Novello songwriting awards, where she scored a best contemporary song trophy for "Rehab."

"I had a lovely dress and he looked very handsome," she told reporters of her Miami wedding. "We're not planning a honeymoon. Every day is a honeymoon with Blake. I've married the best man in the world."

Amy Winehouse admitted the wedding was sudden - she and Fielder-Civil, who inspired some of the songs on her album Back to Black after they temporarily broke up, had been engaged for less than a month - but she said simply:

"That's the way I am."

Also the way she is? Walking around with a giant squid on her head.

Fielder-Civil, 23, a music-video assistant, and Winehouse, 23, first began dating two years ago and had only recently resumed their courtship and got engaged.

According to Entertainment Weekly, the singer introduced "Rehab" on a recent radio appearance by saying:

"Here is a song I wrote when he left me a couple years ago. I wrote the whole album about it, really. We went on our little separate ways, but, then realized that we loved each other. Life's too short."

We fully expect Britney Spears and Kevin Federline to follow this advice, come to their senses and be back in each other's arms any minute.

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