One would also think Tom Brady knew what condoms were. Anyway.
Britney is reportedly back on the party scene, celebrity gossip sites are reporting, and that means the obligatory tales of blowing chunks hard in men's bathrooms.
According to the latest rumors, Jayden James' mother was found "vomiting uncontrollably" in the men's can of the exclusive Sky Bar at Los Angeles' Mondrian hotel on Sunday night.
After a full evening of throwing 'em back, Spears had to be carried out when she was discovered slumped over a toilet covered in her own mess.
Looks like Howie Day can expect company back in detox.
A source told London's The Sun: "Britney Spears was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off."
Hmm. This story may not hold water, given that Brit reportedly got hair extensions prior to that date. But let's continue for now.
The supposed witness tells a tale of a trashed Britney Spears:
"She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick 4-5 times. She didn't seem with it."
Hopefully these recollections will serve reminder as to why it's probably best for am obviously troubled, rehabbing mother of two tiny children to, you know, not get blitzed in public.
Nonetheless, the Hollywood Gossip will almost surely be reporting a nearly identical story in the next couple of days. To paraphrase Jon Bon Jovi, it's all the same. Only the bad outfits and name of the club change.