Please ... pick your shocked, awed jaws off the floor.
It appears that the epic romance of Jessica Simpson and John Mayer - a match made in heaven from the start - has officially run its course.
As first reported by Perez Hilton, Jess and John have split. TMZ cameras caught a solo Mayer at the NYC hotspot Stereo, last night, looking happy on his own.
Get in line ladies, your body could be a wonderland next, if you play your cards right (even if you're not as hot as Jennifer Love Hewitt).
As for the reason for the dissolution, a rep for John Mayer refused to comment on the Grammy winner's personal life and a rep for Jess couldn't be reached.
Could it be because Myer is an award-winning singer and songwriter who meets with presidential candidates and made Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential list, while she's just an airhead with enormous boobs and some hair extensions?
Just a theory.
Still, this is such a shame. Our staff is visibly shaken. We're sure Joe Simpson is really busted up about it. Get it? Bust? Jessica's chest is frickin' huge, people!
Anyway, hang in there, Jess. We know breakups are hard, but one of these days, a dashing Simon Monjack will come along and sweep you off your feet.