Tonight: The Bachelor Meets His Mate(s), The Stars Keep Dancing, and The Hills Girls Confront Much Drama

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Tonight, The Bachelor returns for its 10th season (record: 0-9) with "An Officer and a Gentleman." Will Lieutenant Doctor Andy Baldwin live up to all his hype?

We'll have to watch and see... and it's just part of a terrific night of medicore, yet addictive TV. Of course, the new season of The Bachelor starts at an odd time (9:45) following an hour-and-45-minute Dancing with the Stars. We're also going to have to TiVo the season finale of The Hills, at 10 p.m. OMG!

Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer Photo

ABC's preview says "the bachelorettes pull out all the stops" to impress Andy Baldwin tonight, which in various cases includes baking him a cake with tequila, challenging him to a push-up contest, doing backflips in an evening gown (Heather Mills style, minus the peg leg), et cetera.

Of course, the #1 reason to watch tonight is that these girls know that 10 of them are not even going to make it through this episode, and that level of pathetic desperation (combined with booze) makes for incredible drama.

Is Andy looking for a party girl? We doubt it. He grew up in a conservative family, and there's little doubt he's traditional and looking for a life partner, not a wild Dita Von Teese type. In other words, he's a gentleman. And an officer. Follow?

"I don't need to go on national TV to make out," says Andy. "I'm looking for a wife."

Well, that settles that. He means business, this officer. In other words, unlike Lorenzo Borghese, this guy isn't here to screw around. Pun.... intended!

Word has it that Baldwin does find true love, and proposes to one of the lucky ladies on the season finale. But there's a long way to go before we find out who. And before the show even gets started tonight, we've got a full 105 minutes of Dancing With the Stars action.

Look for Joey Fatone and Laila Ali to continue their dominance as the show returns tonight. More importantly, will Shandi Finnessey show off more than just her amazing bod and improve upon last week's mediocre performance? And will America come to its senses and vote off (the Sanjaya Malakar-esque) Mills?

On tonight's finale of Season 2 of The Hills, which stars the lovely Lauren Conrad, it's her BFFs that are at personal crossroads and laying it all on the line. How will they handle their respective career and relationship drama!?

Tonight's the night we find out if Whitney Port gets the Teen Vogue job she covets so. We also get to see if Heidi Montag really does lose her spine and go back to that complete ass bag Spencer Pratt.

Break out the Milwaukee's best and the pork rinds (Britney Spears would be proud) - tonight is a night of TV that is not to be missed.

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The Hills Quotes

Brody's girlfriend is pretty. With very large breasts.

Lauren Bosworth [on Cora Skinner]

Someone with a great sense of humor is the most important thing, and someone who really supports me in everything I do... I don’t ever want to make an excuse for trying to work hard and having my own life. I love a guy that supports that and loves that.

Lauren Conrad [on men]