Few words, phrases or individuals have ever enraged the Hollywood Gossip staff to this degree. OMFG. Has anyone ever deserved to be rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge more than this a$$hole? The next time we see you at Hyde or Les Deux - yes, we go there, Spencer Pratt, and we will be watching you - you better grow eyes in the back of your head. We'll leave it at that.
That should give you an idea of how the season finale of The Hills went last night, but we'll delve into further details for you just the same.
For a show that's supposed to star Lauren Conrad, there's a lot of stuff happening to people around her as she sits at home on the sofa reading (but still looking very fashionable, we might add).
Not that we're upset. We love the new Lauren Conrad who's emerged this season and doesn't take any crap. But in Season 3, let's have the girl do something. You heard us, MTV.
From the onset, the homebody LC bombarded one-time BFF Heidi Montag with zingers over her wishy-washy should-I-live-with-Spencer nonsense.
"You don't even live with me," Lauren Conrad snapped. "I just live with your stuff."
We knew what Heidi's decision was going to be for two reasons: She's weak, and the previews gave it away. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. The other person actually out doing stuff was Whitney Port, jetting off to NYC to interview for the permanent Teen Vogue job.
Wonderful as always, Whitney knocks 'em dead in the interview, but we're left hanging as to whether she beats out the other intern applicants. Cross your fingers, Hills watchers!
Okay, now we talk about what a psycho move it was for Spencer Pratt to get a new apartment after Heidi Montag clearly said no, then take her there as "a big surprise" and beg for her to move in again. And she did. Sellout.
Back at home, Heidi dropped the news to LC that she'd be moving out - a boring conversation so anticlimactic after all the talk about it that we almost clicked over to The Bachelor. Only we had it TiVo'd, so there's no point.
Over at the condo of Brody Jenner, Spencer was explaining that he really just wanted to keep Heidi away from Lauren and reassuring his buddy that he's a player 4 lyfe, yo, and would not be denied just because Heidi's movin' in!
The guy needs to be beaten repeatedly with a tire iron and strangled with his own retarded looking gold chain. You're not cool, bro. No one wears those.
We would leave it at that if it weren't for a brilliant exchange between Heidi and her co-worker, Elodie (what kind of name is that, and what do they actually do at work?) about Heidi's plans to cook dinner for the amazing Spencer that night.
Elodie: Do you even have all the equipment to cook? What's it called?
Heidi Montag: Dinner?
Heidi Montag: Pasta?
Elodie: No. The equipment to cook, like, pots, pans.
Heidi Montag: Oh, I have to go get all that.
Lauren, meanwhile, was celebrating the conclusion of the epic roomie drama with champagne and pizza ... and her brand new roomie... Audrina Patridge!
We weren't big Audrina fans at first, but she's come around. In short, this episode was a complete waste of time, in that there was no drama and nothing new was revealed. But we love The Hills just the same, and can't wait for the next season with the girls.