A Day in the Life of David Hans Schmidt
David Hans Schmidt, the celebrity sex tape broker who’s featured in this month’s issue of Details, has profited immensely from the videos he’s released — as well as the footage he hasn’t.
Lying on his couch one afternoon in late February, Schmidt puts Oprah on mute, grabs his ringing phone, and raises an eyebrow.
“Where’s 732?” He flips it to speaker. “Hans Schmidt.”
“Er, hi. I had a look at your website,” says a male voice. “I’ve got footage of Cassandra Peterson copulating in the ’70s. She was Elvira, Mistress of the Dark? She’s in negotiation to do a reality show … ”
This is how it is for David Hans Schmidt these days.
If there’s a celebrity sex tape out there, it has a way of finding him. Porn on a plate. Such are the rewards of being America’s premier peddler of celebrity porn.
At 46, Schmidt has put together an extensive résumé that includes the Gennifer Flowers Penthouse cover, Tonya Harding’s wedding night video, Paris Hilton’s private diaries, nude shots of Private Jessica Lynch, Amber Frey, and Jamie Foxx, sex tapes of Colin Farrell and Dustin Diamond — and, if the man on the phone is for real (Schmidt is still determining the tape’s authenticity), Elvira.
“Tell me, is there full sex, fellatio, cunnilingus?” Schmidt asks, pacing around the room in stonewashed jeans and cowboy boots. The man claims there’s 18 minutes of high-res action. In color. With a money shot.
“Excellent!” Schmidt exclaims. “Okay, first we enter into a broker’s-fee agreement, which stipulates a period of time in which I can effectuate a deal for you. Then you surrender to me a DVD, which I show prospective buyers on my laptop. And then, my friend, we’ll go for the high buck. Somewhere between Sunset Boulevard and Wilshire, we’ll come to a deal.”
They swap information, and Schmidt shuts his phone, grinning.
“What you have just witnessed is a moment of history,” he exclaims, stroking his mustache. “What might be the first deal for David Hans Schmidt since he almost got f**king killed!”
Continue reading this Details article here …
I knew David and dated him a few times. He was a little strange, but who isn’t? He was handsome and charming. I will miss him!
I knew him personally, my boyfriend a doc knew him personally. He called doc every day. He came into the clinic one day where I met him. Dave had an arrogant streak about him. The nurse called the police. Doc and I dined, had cocktails, went to his party, met his girlfriend[s]. Doc was his friend and confidante. He spoke with him the day before he committed suicide. He said “I don’t think I have much to live for anymore doc,” and doc said, Dave, look at it this way, it is only for two [2] years, and while you are in prison you can write a book. Little did doc know it would be the last time David would call him. Darla, I don’t know if you are one of his girlfriends I met, but she was in the legal field, a paralegal I believe. I think we all miss someone that touched our lives. I will miss him too. I fortunately had an apparition and Dave appeared in a white suit, white tie, fuschia shirt, and telepathically revealed “I won” and “I am happy here where I am at” - he was smiling as only David does. Maggy
Back in 1981/82 at Rochester,Minnesota, we called him schmitty. We met going to Rochester Community College. He was the life of the party. For every girl he slept with, he’d put another X above his door. His goal was to have sex with more girls than Don Ho. He wanted shooting for 50 plus X’s.
Sometimes after he’d been with a girl. He would get roomates to smell his fingers to verify the conquest.
I didn’t have his luck. The one time I got him to smell my fingers, I had scratched my privates. And he acted supprised. “Alright Stiener” he said. I then wondered what kind of sex he was having. It took me some time to get him to do the smell test. I’ve since washed my hands.
He would wear tight pants. And he had big balls. Once he told a frirnd that he worried why his nuts were so big. And he itched them alot.
He had a job at the local ‘Hi Vee’ grocery store. There he was handling the meat and itching his nuts, handling the cheese and itching his nuts, the produce and his nuts. You name it and his nuts. That didn’t last long.
Even then he had a fixation about asking the guys at the dorms, “would you have sex with another man for a million dollars”. This was 25 years ago. There is some irony here.
One roomate close to him told me recently that, “Schitty only wanted to do big thinks.”
He had fun at other peoples expence. Scmitty represented one end of the scale. although he wasn’t a friend to me, he is a big memory. And I didn’t want this to happen to him.
Dan H