by Mischalova at

The second part of Law & Order SVU stands for "Special Victims Unit."

For one night in May, however, it'll stand for "Star Vehicle Outrage." Why such a confusing, punny acronym? Because none other than Star Jones will be guest-starring on the drama.

Far From a Star

The former co-host of The View - who was replaced by Rosie O'Donnell and then scarcely heard from again ... thank goodness - will appear on the show as a lawyer. Also making a cameo on that episode will be rapper Ludacris. Make any connection you see fit there.

Does Jones have any acting experience, you may wonder? About as much as Heidi Montag. But that hasn't stopped the latter from making a name for herself on the small screen.

In the end, The Hollywood Gossip staff wouldn't have cast Jones as a lawyer. In this particular show, we'd have hoped she'd emulate the recent actions of Nicole Richie and end up as the victim with which the unit must deal.

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by Free Britney at

Andy Dick is a f*%king moron.

Yes, we do mean that as a general rule. But particularly as it applies to his antics last Saturday night, in which the alleged comedian went off on a photographer representing TMZ, calling him a...

Andy Dick Mugshot

"C**ksucking n!g%*r."

In yet another humiliating Michael Richards style attempt at comedy, Andy Dick screamed various obscenities at the cameraman, and dropped the first half of the n-bomb outside of Area nightclub.

THG NOTE: Fans of The Hills may recall that Heidi Montag works at said club!

Quickly realizing his mistake, Dick said, "Whoops, as soon as I drop the n-bomb, it's on the Internet ... they shouldn't call it YouTube, they should call it N-bomb tube."

Riiight. Sure thing, babe. There's a lot of funny $h!t on YouTube, but the percentage related to N-bomb dropping is pretty low. You don't hear Isaiah Washington calling it F-bomb tube.

As you may recall, the former Newsradio star issued an emergency apology after he went off on a racist rant during a live comedy show in December. It wasn't his show. He was merely heckling comic Ian Bagg.

A few months later, he sort of molested Ivanka Trump on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Sorry, but we have to say it, even though you know it's coming and it's not even funny: What a Dick!

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by Mischalova at

We've never heard of Arena magazine. But we may need to take out a subscription for it today. How come? Can you not see the Keeley Hazell picture below?

Keeley Hazell Naked Picture

While this British lingerie model may be best known for a recent sex tape, she's mighty fine in still images, as well.

Moreover, the publication has managed to make Avril Lavigne look sexy.

Seriously. This punk singer looks to be hoping for an Antonella Barba photo-like makeover to her career with this picture shoot....

And we were surprised when nearly nude Hilary Swank pics popped up.

Looks like previously pristine singers and actors are beginning to climb about the naked picture train. What does The Hollywood Gossip have to say about such a development? All aboard, people.

All aboard.

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by Free Britney at

Music mogul Simon Cowell has blasted troubled stars Britney Spears and Robbie Williams for checking into rehab, insisting they have no idea of what hard life really is.

The outspoken American Idol judge recently visited an impoverished nation, and after witnessing the horrific conditions people are forced to live in, he believes Spears and Williams' problems pale in comparison.

Wax Britney

Spears, who appears to have lost her mind, is currently in Promises in Malibu, Calif., following months of hard drinking and partying, while Williams is seeking treatment for an addiction to painkillers at The Meadows clinic in Arizona.

"This whole thing is a total indulgence. Britney and Robbie Williams need to get a grip," Cowell said. "I don't know what's going on in Britney's head, but my attitude is I couldn't care less. She should go back and live with her mum for six months."

"I went to a deprived part of the world recently... It really opened my eyes. You can feel sorry for yourself over the smallest things, but then you look at the world and you think, 'I've got nothing to complain about.'

"So when I hear about the Robbies and the Britneys checking into rehab, I think, 'I'll tell you what rehab is. Go to where I just went, where people are really suffering, and then you'll see just how good your life is.'

"I mean Britney Spears is not working in a coal mine is she? You are whisked to the studio in a very large limo, you are flown around in private jet, everyone will agree with you, and physically making an album is a doddle."

As usual, Simon hit the nail on the head. Much like when he came to defense of Antonella Barba. His comments about Britney may seem harsh, but hey, the truth hurts sometimes.

There's no doubt Britney could use six months out of the public eye, just spending time with Sean Preston and Jayden James. Don't hate Simon for saying what we're all thinking.

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by Free Britney at

Once again, Sienna Miller finds herself at the center of controversy.

Last year the outspoken 25-year-old upset residents of Pittsburgh after drunkenly calling their city "Sh!ttsburgh" during an interview.

Miller also remarked, in reference to her on-again, off-again relationship with actor Jude Law, that monogamy is overrated because humans are just a bunch of f*%king animals anyway.

Then there was her rumored relationship with Diddy and some serious topless canoodling on the beach with James Burke.

Now, in a recent interview, she confesses that she takes drugs because "they're fun."

Miller plays Edie Sedgwick in her latest movie Factory Girl. In researching the role of the New York socialite who died of an overdose, Sienna says she took morphine - and understands why Andy Warhol's muse was drawn to illegal substances.

"They're f**k loads of fun," Miller said. "If I had a drug of choice it would be magic mushrooms."

No doubt Pete Doherty could set her up with his dealer.

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by Free Britney at

Our counterparts at TMZ have learned that former Laguna Beach bad boy Jason Wahler was arrested and booked this weekend after cops say he "resisted a public officer" during a raid on underage drinkers in North Carolina.

The latest Jason Wahler arrest resulted in the Colin Farrell look-alike being sent to Pitt County (N.C.) Jail early Saturday morning, where this mug shot was taken...

Jason Wahler and Katja Decker-Sadowski Photo

He spent a few hours behind bars before posting a $1,000 bail.

Wahler, the meathead who dated Lauren Conrad on Laguna Beach and then again on her hit spin-off series, The Hills, is due to back in court in April.

J-Wahl's previous busts involved misdemeanor assault in L.A. and drug possession in N.Y.C. Man. That Brody Jenner might be a cheeseball and just out to increase his own celebrity, but LC certainly made a step up from this assclown.

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by Free Britney at

The picture below might as well be titled "Portrait of a Very Happy, Slightly Insane, Scientology-practicing Family."

With a bottle and toys in hand, Tom Cruise and his beautiful, brainwashed bride, Katie Holmes, are looking prepared to take their 10-month-old daughter to her big brother's basketball game in Beverly Hills on Sunday.

Off to the Office

If they weren't such lunatics, we'd say this picture is almost cute...

No word yet on whether Connor Cruise's team won the game, or whether that little Asian cutie, Suri Cruise, was vocal in cheering him on.

That's really not important, though. We're just glad to see that TomKat is keeping busy in light of the unsettling injury to BFF David Beckham.

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by Mischalova at

Katie Lee Joel is used to serving up entrees and segues as the former host of the reality show, Top Chef. But is the wife of Billy Joel ready to get served in this fashion face-off?

Pictured below, Katie Lee looks pretty - but she's really no match for the other two vixens wearing the same dress. One, of course, is Paris Hilton. And she deserves props for simply wearing clothes.

Paris Hilton, Brittany Flickinger

(But if you wish to see Paris Hilton nude at all, we've got your hook-up).

The third competitor in this clash is Olivia Wilde, former lesbian on The OC and current star of the new NBC show, The Black Donnellys.

So, who do you think looks the best in this outfit? And how long until Brody Jenner makes a move on her?

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by Free Britney at

It was a scary night for David Beckham and for U.S. soccer fans.

Oh, wait. There are none of those. It was scary David Beckham, okay?

Becks

The soccer star had better start looking into that acting career he talks about after suffering a knee injury Sunday night during his team's match in Madrid, Spain, after crashing into advertising signs near the opposing team's goal.

"It looks serious but I do not want to say how bad until the doctors do the scan," Real Madrid coach Fabio Capello said after the match.

After the injury, Beckham, 31, tried to play on but limped off in the 63rd-minute. He was later diagnosed as damaging the lateral internal ligament of his right leg and is undergoing further tests Monday.

The injury could impact plans for the soccer star, his wife, Victoria Beckham, and their three children to move to America later this year.

Fortunately, the latter's huge breasts did not sustain any injury.

"The day started so well with a birthday party for his son," a family friend said. "But it ended with medical scans. Both David and Victoria are extremely anxious at the moment, waiting to hear what the results will be," adds the friend. "It's not a good day for the family."

In January, Beckham inked a five-year deal with the L.A. Galaxy of Major League Soccer that is worth up to $250 million with endorsements.

Last week it was announced that Victoria Beckham, 32, would star in a six-part reality show on NBC about her move to America.

Before the match on Sunday, the couple had taken sons Brooklyn, 8, Romeo, 4, and Cruz, 2 to a Madrid burger joint.

"The kids had a ball. It was Brooklyn's eighth birthday party," says the friend. "And all his school friends were there too."

Hopefully TomKat was able to make it. Maybe the amazing healing powers of Scientology will help get their BFF back onto the field immediately.

"It's difficult to know what is going to happen now," says the Beckham friend. "Everyone is praying this is not major."

Same with Nicole Richie's "injury." We hope she gets back to "work" real soon.

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by Free Britney at

Here's what newborn celebrity babies, such as Dannielynn Hope, have to look forward to:

Lots of time spent in bed while their parents get drunk downstairs.

Gwyneth Photograph

Okay, that may not be entirely accurate, but Gwyneth Paltrow says she and her fellow famous moms often get together for what are probably the world's most stylish play dates.

"I have friends like Stella McCartney or Madonna, and very often our children get together to play," Paltrow tells Spanish Vogue. "Although usually we leave them in bed and stay to drink a glass of wine."

The actress and husband Chris Martin are parents to Apple, who turns 3 in May, and 11-month-old Moses. She also somehow supports Lindsay Lohan.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have Lourdes, 10, and Rocco, 6, and are in the process of adopting David Banda, 17 months; and McCartney and husband Alasdhair Willis have a son, Miller, 2, and a 3-month-old daughter, Bailey.

Paltrow took the last few years off of making movies to focus on raising her kids, and recently called being a housewife "amazing."

And she still has a sense of awe when it comes to her children. "When I look at my daughter's skin, it's the most beautiful and perfect in the world," she tells the magazine.

Older men may disagree, citing Antonella Barba as possessing the best skin on the planet - but we see where Paltrow is coming from.

We don't see, however, how underrated baby Kingston Rossdale got left off the play date list. Give Gwen Stefani a call, Gwyneth.

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