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The headline above sums up all we know.

The actress, who we've come to love in Garden State, the Star Wars trilogy and other films, keeps a relatively low profile for a superstar. She's like the anti-Tara Reid. In just about every conceivable way. Which is good. Tara Reid blows.

Natalie Pic

But anyway. What we're saying is that whenever Natalie Portman does decide to make a public appearance, she steals the spotlight instantly.

Recently, she hit up an Armani fashion show along with other celebs - one of whom she has been linked romantically to of late. That would be Josh Hartnett.

The actor, who once dated Scarlett Johansson before moving on to the lovely Amber Sainsbury, is kind of annoying to us. But he sure is handsome. Time will tell if Natalie, who was dating Jake Gyllenhaal last summer, sees something in Josh that we don't.

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Looking ghastly as ever, Keira Knightley somehow musters the strength needed for a shopping excursion in London over the weekend. Man, she looks so damn HOTTT - in that really gaunt, bulimic and spooky kind of way...

Scarlett Johansson Nude Photo

Come on, Rupert Friend. The girl needs to eat! That's your responsibility. Get on it. At least we know Brody Jenner would try to get some nutrients inside Keira (among other things).

She can file lawsuits all she wants - there's no doubt that the gal needs to put on a few pounds. And by a few, we mean like 15-20. She's starting to look like Nicole Richie.

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Numerous sources are reporting that Katie Holmes raised eyebrows with her brainwashed, submissive manner on the red carpet at the Vanity Fair Oscar party.

Upon arriving at the hot afterparty, husband Tom Cruise urged his increasingly strange, once-attractive bride to pose for a photograph alone.

Tom Cruise at Valkyrie Premiere

"Take a shot of her," he told photographers.

But according to an onlooker, the more demure half of TomKat and Poshkat refused to take a picture without her man.

The actor then led the mute mother of Suri Cruise around by the hand, pulling her back and forth while he mingled and she remained silent.

Cruise greeted photographers but didn't introduce Katie, who looked robotic, said absolutely nothing and just stood next to her husband, waiting for him to finish conversations.

The most famous member of the Cult of Scientology later asked her once again to pose for a picture alone. She finally agreed.

"She looks at him for direction," the witness tells Us Weekly.

Man, these two are just barrels of fun.

No wonder the Beckhams are head over heels in love with them.

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It was just days ago that Bobby Brown was on top of the world. Or, as much on top of the world as a former drug user with relationship problems and no career can be.

But now, the singer is back behind bars for failing to pay child support. Again.

Bobby Brown at Work

Moreover, TMZ reports that Brown remains at Norfolk County House of Corrections in Massachusetts because "he can't afford to pay his debt."

In an exclusive conversation with Brown's attorney, Phaedra Parks, TMZ was told that the former New Edition member is scrambling to figure out a way to come up with the $19,100 he owes in back child support payments to Kim Ward, the mother of two of his children.

Yes, that would be on top of the daughter he has with Whitney Houston.

And the baby reportedly on the way with Karrine Steffans.

It seems to us that Bobby needs to learn how to use a condom about as much as Antonella Barba needs to learn how to delete pictures from her camera.

"Mr. Brown is not financially able to make the payment to court," said Parks, adding that she is currently making her "best effort" to work out some sort of deal with the court.

Whitney's ex could always consider a payday loan, although such a resource does stick you with an interest rate almost as high as Mischa Barton. Good luck with that, Bob.

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Paris Hilton's 26th birthday bash wasn't all fun and games.

There was the small matter of Brandon Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, acting like a complete d!ck and offending pretty much everyone in attendance, ultimately forcing his slutty, heiress BFF to kick his oily ass out.

Harlow and Mom

But it was still a rowdy occasion marked by good times and good friends. In the picture below, Paris is joined by lunatic rock goddess Courtney Love, along with the jail-bound Nicole Richie and her new beau, Joel Madden.

It's a fun gang. While posing for this picture, the fearsome foursome couldn't help but let their minds wander a bit, however...

Paris can't get over the fact that people are talking about Kim Kardashian getting busy with Ray J on film when Hilton is the one that wrote the book on riding sex tapes to stardom.

Nicole can't shake thoughts of her impending court date, while Madden is starting to realize how much cuter his ex, Hilary Duff, is than Richie - even if Hilary wasn't exactly Antonella Barba, if you know what we're saying.

Courtney Love? She has no clue where she is, ever. Not shocking.

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Are the Antonella Barba pictures floating around the Web legitimate? Or a hoax?

It's hard to say ... for the staff of The Hollywood Gossip, at least.

However, according to this detailed image, there's an American Idol: CSI team on the case. And they have bad news for guys around the globe:

Barba is NOT actually the woman pictured in this oral sex photo. While the investigators offer no alternatives as to who the fallatio-ing female is, detectives have been dispersed to the homes of Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan.

We'll provide more details as they come in.

Meanwhile, lab technicians are comparing visual evidence of Daniel Radcliffe nude with the penis in question here. There are no links at this time.

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It's easy to find Kim Kardashian nude these days. Just turn on the Internet.

The same can be said for Tricia Helfer. Got a copy of Playboy lying around?

JLH Premiere Pic

But we hate to break the following news to you, gentlemen: Don't hold your breath (or any body parts) waiting to see Jennifer Love Hewitt naked. The sub-par actress says it won't be happening any time soon:

"I got lots of those (offers to take off her clothes). But I can't. It's just not me ... I feel like there's still a world full of people out there who think there's not much more to me than the girl who can wear tiny tops. So if I had actually gone and done those things (shedding the tiny top) to try to prove something, where would I be?"

Ummm ... as well-known and well-liked as Antonella Barba, perhaps? Or maybe kicking it on a beach with a nude Sienna Miller?

You really gotta think about this, Love.

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We've already showed you near nude Christina Aguilera photos from Maxim. Now, here's the interview that goes along with them:

A lot has changed since the last time we talked, eh? You're officially off the market. Is your husband cool with your sex symbol status?
That's partly why I fell in love with him. In my art I tend to be very sexual. I've always felt connected with my sexuality. I love [Jordan Bratman] because he has his own goals. He doesn't latch on to what I do. And because there are so many double standards, it's very important to me as a female to play upon sexuality and be very strong while incorporating that in my art and work.

Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera

What kind of double standards do you encounter in the music business?
Well, imagine if a woman released an album with the word sex in it, like Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveSounds. Instead of feeling liberated by it, she'd be labled and called names…That's not to say I wouldn't do it.

How did a regular guy manage to score such a hot, gutsy superstar?
I've always liked normal guys. Guys in the entertainment business tend to be self-absorbed. They can also overlove what I do or get intimidated by it, which makes it difficult.

Is it hard to maintain your privacy - and keep your music under wraps - these days?
Yes, and it makes me sad for the entire music industry. You can download anything for free. You can look at anything, anytime, anywhere. The business is definitely more tabloid-driven than it was five years ago.

The Hollywood Gossip note: We think Antonella Barba understands.

There seems to be a new celebrity divorce in the tabloids every week. How do you guys keep it going? Role-playing? Costumes?
How did you get into my bedroom? [laughs] We always have fun. I like to play doctor.

Back to Basics has a track called "Still Dirrty," but some people say you're softening up. True?

But in the past you were always feuding with people like Pink, Eminem, and Jennifer Love Hewitt…
So much of that is a tabloid thing. When the media saw that my image was more aggressive, they ran with it. So many things get misconstrued. I have no interest in it. Life is dramatic enough. I don't need to create drama.

Then why did you write the song "F.U.S.S.," which stands for "F-ck You, Scott Storch," directed at your former producer?
That's a way of burying my experience with him. We did great work on Stripped. He was like a brother. Then he started working with other solo artists, and I felt like there should have been a little loyalty. When I tried to work with him again, he made uncalled-for demands. It was disappointing that someone would get affected like that.

Do you ever listen to your own music during sex?
There's no way I could do that. I'd be too busy analyzing my voice. I get very nitpicky. I like listening to Thom Yorke from Radiohead; that's good sexy-time music.

Good tip. What's next for you? Kids? Politics? Christina Aguilera, movie star?
I want to do movies more than ever. I've been reading scripts, but nothing has interested me. I don't want to play a singer - unless it's completely different from me and my music. When I step into acting, I really want to be acting.

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Brandon Davis - the oil heir and L.A. nightclub regular who brought the word "Firecrotch" into the vernacular (at least as it applies to Lindsay Lohan) - did what he does best again over the weekend.

Making a total ass of himself.

Todd Phillips and Paris Hilton

At the 26th birthday party of his BFF, Paris Hilton, Saturday night, the gent we have come to affectionately know as Greasy Bear showed some of the lodging heiress' guests home early in disgust - which left poor Paris in tears.

Davis' boorish behavior at the lavish 26th-birthday bash began around 10, when he started throwing flowers at Paula Abdul, who was supposed to sing "Happy Birthday" to Paris.

Then, it was the flower-holders he was chucking.

Finally, after asking Paula to "lick my [bleep]," he mocked her by talking in a fake-Arabic accent. The American Idol judge bolted early, even before crooning.

Then, Brandon decided to ingratiate himself to Courtney Love by grabbing her, making her straddle his waist, and summing up his feelings for her succinctly:

"I want to squirt on you."

Never mind the fact that Courtney's young daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, was right there. Good work, Greasy. Davis is about as classy as Antonella Barba.

After all this, as well as some broken glasses and candles, Paris broke down and kicked Greasy Bear out. Is this the end of their friendship? Does anyone give a rat's ass about Brandon Davis? Stay tuned.

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After a whole two days in rehab, Britney Spears finally had an opportunity to spend some quality time with her two sons, Sean Preston, 17 months, and Jayden James, 5 months.

Of course, if you believe a certain Britney nanny diary, she's only interested in spending time with the spawn of Kevin Federline when it's convenient.

Little Bit of Brit

In any case, Britney, who had been spotted at Promises rehab center smoking cigarettes and talking with fellow patients, had a chance to bond with her babies Saturday night. Britney Spears' mother, Lynne, arrived first in a seperate car ahead of a Black Navigator containing her grandsons.

Two hours later, Lynne, Sean Preston and Jayden James departed seperately again with Lynne off to the Spears family retreat house and the boys back to the safety of Kevin Federline's home in Tarzana.

Britney Spears' father, Jamie Spears, who urged his daughter to get help during an intimate dinner last weekend, told FOX News on Thursday that the troubled singer is "a sick little girl ... we're just trying to take care of her and other than that I have no comment."

Jamie Spears, who was on the phone from his Louisiana home, added that Brit's problems are "not about what other people think" and that he and the pop star's mother are "concerned about our daughter."

Spears entered the facility on Wednesday night. Earlier that night, Brit went to the house of Federline in an attempt to see their two young sons, who were inside. A strangely sage Federline would not let Spears inside.

This slight caused her to storm off and later go on a rampage, lashing out at some poor, innocent cameramen with an umbrella. At 10:30 p.m., Lynne Spears drove her daughter to the center where she has been ever since.

Which is a good sign. She bailed twice before in less than a day.

Kevin Federline visited Britney Spears at Promises for about an hour on Friday afternoon, leaving his two children at his home in the care of Spears' mother.

The singer's manager, Larry Rudolph, who may be the worst manager in the history of modern music, shot down rumors that his client is on suicide watch.

"The story is absolutely untrue. She is in rehab, and it is very disappointing that various media outlets are running these false stories about her, as Britney tries to get better."

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