Britney Spears: Phone Sex Fiend

Well, we can say this, folks: If Britney Spears' comeback doesn't go as planned, she's got a backup career: phone sex operator!

Get ready for this, guys. The troubled pop singer will send you, absolutely free, a sexy, pre-recorded story of your choice from her perfume's site.

The promotional website for her latest fragrance, Midnight Fantasy, allows visitors to send a personalized voice message from Britney Spears to a friend's phone or e-mail address.

Users can pick activities, gifts and nicknames from a list of pre-recorded words - which come together to make a fantasy. Get it? Fantasy is the name of the perfume.

For instance, you could have a breathy Britney ask you politely if you'd babysit Jayden James while she and Katie Rees hit the town for a night of tequila shots and girl on girl action.

Isaac Cohen, for his part, might have Brit suggest a kinky, all-night sex romp on a rotating bed in a suite with mirrored ceilings. Or something.

Sadly, we're guessing any requests involving Paris Hilton pussy are off-limits.

There are so many directions you could take this. But keep this in mind: with gift options such as a six-pack of beer available, it appears that even Britney's fantasies are trashy.

Just hope you don't get a call from Britney on crystal meth.