The Hills Recap: Heidi Not Pregnant, Lauren Hard at Work, Brody Jenner Arrives on Dating Scene

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Come on, Heidi Montag.

We fully expected that we'd be yelling at the TV Monday night. Don't get us wrong on that. But we expected that the subject of our ire would be Spencer the boyfriend, not his lovely lady. But after watching last night's episode of The Hills, we are sorry to say we actually feel some sympathy for him.

Whoa! Never Saw That Coming!

After last week's pregnancy scare turned out to be a false alarm, Heidi's first response was to call Spencer and lead him on to think she was knocked up.

"I took a pregnancy test, and...

[wait for it... waaaaaaait for it]

... I'm not pregnant."

It was gratifying to see that smug smile momentarily wiped off Spencer's face, but he didn't deserve to get f*%ked with like that. He regained his footing fast, though, lying about Audrina and telling Heidi he would be testing her from now on. True to his word, next time we saw him he was asking Audrina out on a date.

The following morning, Heidi explained her motivation to Lauren, who, bless her little heart, rolled her eyes through the entire conversation:

"If he was gonna react wrongly, then I wouldn't want to be with him," Heidi said.

"I don't think there's a right way to react to that, though," replied a suddenly sage Lauren Conrad bluntly.

The rest of the episode was about Lauren, who was sent her off to work at a fashion show by swimsuit designer Ashley Paige. As soon as Lauren arrived at Ashley's, she was set upon by the flustered designer and a series of underworked assistants and interns who began ordering her to do stuff they could just as easily have done themselves.

Like answer the phone. The Hills is supposed to remind you of The O.C., not Punk'd, but based on Lauren's exchange with Ashley, you might be confused.

In the episode's third story line, Heidi set up Lauren to go on a date with Brody Jenner. Yes, that Brody Jenner.

According to Heidi, he is like, Spencer's best friend. Yeah, this show isn't staged or anything.

Regardless, Lauren wasn't having it at first, telling her that any man who used to be with Kristin Cavallari is off limits to her:

"Heidi," LC sighed. "He's been touched by Kristin. He's, like, tainted."

Oh. Snap. She. Went. There.

Sadly, it turns out, Brody seems to have somehow been tainted by another former Laguna Beach star: Jason. Ouch. Watching Lauren and Brody struggle through their dinner and fail miserably at first-date banter and then sit there mutely and smile at each other was a painful flashback to Jason Wahler.

Really, we thought Brody had more in him than this crap. No wonder Nicole Richie wasn't that into him either. And that's saying something.

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what is on broadys hand?

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learn proper grammer. "write" is incorrectly used. "right" is the proper word. moron.

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On MTV news it was said the lauren is pregnant with broady jenners baby is the write????? Lauren is great and they would have the most looking babies ever. I am all the way from good old England so probz a bit behind on the, if any one can catch me up with so gossip would be great. Lauren your are the best and keep your head up you no who your true friend are?

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Hi! Lauran. I LOOOVE YOU LAUREN! I want to hang out with you sometime. I am a big fan of yours. I want you to be my older sister because iI never had a older or younger sister before. You are so cute Lauren.

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I LOOOVE YOU LAUREN! we should hang out someetimeee = )

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and then there's you who reads it