Lindsay Lohan: Hillary and Bill Clinton Can Help with ... Something

Lindsay Lohan wants help.

For what? That's unclear. From who? That may surprise you.

In a rambling email she sent to friends and lawyers, the freckled Firecrotch queen said: "Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton ... would be willing [to help], if we just ask. If we just ASK."

Got that, people? You just need to ASK the former president and his wife if you need assistance with any of the following:

• Drinking
• Crotch shots
  
• Driving

What's more, Lohan claimed another Clinton-era crony wants to lend a hand:

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me."

She also mentions one "LR" whom she intends to take to court for "what she's done to me." We can't imagine who Lindsay is referring to - or what the heck she is talking about at any point here.

But we somehow doubt this mystery individual is Leah Remini or LeAnn Rimes. Don't worry, though, we're on the case!