Actually, we really could have.
And we did. It wasn't hard.
The budding friendship between Britney Spears and Paris Hilton may have seemed to good to be true. It was a ton of fun, not to mention drama-filled and good for the occasional crotch shot. But now, alas, it seems as though it's run its course.
The dynamic, panty-free duo have gone their separate ways, says the New York Post's Page Six.
After a couple of memorable weeks of clubbing and late-night debauchery, the ho train has reportedly left the station - never to return.
The reason? Ready for this?
[Cue the drum roll]
Paris Hilton is a bad influence! ** Gasp! **
"Britney has been told by her people that if she ever wants a career comeback, she should really stay far away from Paris and start acting like an adult," a source tells Page Six.
Somewhere, Jayden James is smiling at this news. Or napping. Or crying, wishing someone would change his diaper. He's a baby!
Indeed, Hollywood Gossip affiliates have spotted Paris back with her traditional party posse in the past couple of days. Her crew includes Brandon Davis, a.k.a. "Greasy Bear," sister Nicky Hilton, and former BFF / current accessory Kim Kardashian - but no Britney.
Meanwhile, Britney has been digging in at the studio and stepping out with a new man - music producer and D-list celebrity J.R. Rotem, who surely gives Brandon Davis a run for his money in the "Greasy Bear" department.
Seriously. The guy has enough oil in his hair to join OPEC.