Listen up, Lindsay Lohan: Once a year, on October 31, people dress in costumes that are actually different than their wardrobes the rest of the year.

Maybe you'll understand the concept next Halloween. For now, we have no idea what you are, aside from desperate on a typical Tuesday night? A Victoria's Secret Model? A member of the Pussycat Dolls?

And you wonder why Ashton Kutcher doesn't want his step-daughter following in your footsteps. Get out while you still can, Rumer. Maybe Hilary Duff needs an assistant.