Hit Me, Baby: K-Fed Countersues Britney

Following his estranged and once again extremely hot wife's divorce filing yesterday, Kevin Federline found time amid massive amounts of partying to file his own petition against Britney Spears in Los Angeles Superior Court.

In direct contradiction to Spears' petition, Federline asks that the court award him sole physical and legal custody of their two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

He asks that the court only award Spears child visitation rights, and that Britney Spears pay his attorney fees, as well as spousal support (!?).

What.

The.

F*%k.

Does this deadbeat actually want, or think he should be awarded custody of the two little kids? He shouldn't be entrusted with a dog, let alone a human being.

We feel strongly that K-Fed should be awarded THG's foot up his a$$, plus the occasional Jayden James Federline pictures. That's pretty much it.

It appears that the only point they agree upon is the separation date of November 6. Britney and the K-Hole were married for two years and a month.

Strangely enough, Federline forgot to date the petition before he handed it into the court, arousing speculation that it may have been pre-prepared.

We can understand the confusion, as he's been playing with fire all his life, remember? That and trying desperately ( and futilely) to generate a music career.

K-Fed gave his first post-breakup concert in Chicago at the House of Blues last night, proclaiming to the crowd before his rap masterpiece "Dance With a Pimp," that "You know I am about to a free man, baby."

He also made several other references to "the ladies" including that the Chicago "ladies" were "sexier than he remembered."

There wasn't that much of the soon-to-be-former Mr. Spears to be had, fortunately, as the man of the hour couldn't even sell tickets to the show. Ticketmaster was giving them away for free to avoid embarrassment. Oh, and his opening week album sales? A paltry 6,000.

Yikes. When Paris Hilton is outselling you roughly 80:1, it's time to consider a career change. Or actually getting a career. Jackass.