Don't get your hopes up, Jayden James Federline. You're probably stuck with your real, troubled parents.
After all, when Kate Winslet - already mom to Mia, 6, and Joe, 3 - says she wants more children, we assume she means those she actually gives birth to.
"I'm hoping to have more kids," Winslet tells InStyle in its December issue. "I don't know whether one or two. Oh, God, I would love to have more."
The Oscar-nominated actress already getting glowing reviews from her little girl.
"Mia said to me the other day in the car, 'Mum, I really love your cooking,' " Winslet said. "To me, it was a sort of incredibly triumphant moment, the fact that she observed that I do cook their meals."
This is a stark contrast to Katie Holmes, the mother of Suri Cruise, who only cooks up high credit card bills on lingerie shopping sprees.
Winslet added that she cares "very much about my kids' nutrition," often making salmon for Mia and lamb for Joe.
A three-year old eating lamb? Tobey Maguire better start grinding up some roast for his newborn.
Finally, Winslet said she hopes to instill a non-materialistic sensibility in her childen. At Christmas, she tells friends and family not to go overboard with gifts.
"I have to phone people and say, 'Please, books and pens only, or mittens and hats.'"
See, it could be worse, Jayden James. You could be receiving a pen for Christmas. Instead, K-Fed will probably be giving you a series of unused tickets from his canceled concerts.
They make perfect stocking stuffers.