by Free Britney at . Comments

If babies (or Jessica Simpson) were smart enough to put together complete sentences, oh, the sweet, innocent and inane things they would say.

Alas, all we can do is speculate. Below, T.H. Gossip has done just that, taking a trip inside the mind of that little Asian cutie, Suri Cruise.

Suri Scores Toys

Despite the adulation of her parents, Suri clearly realizes -- even at the tender age of six months -- that TomKat has more than a few screws loose. To say the least. They practice Scientology, which is essentially witchcraft. Suri's pleas for help do not fall upon deaf ears, we assure you... but Tom Cruise's rather large security detail might have something to say about our liberating the poor tyke. *sigh*

Well, a Gossip website can dream, at least. FREE SURI!

by Free Britney at . Comments

Come on now, Hollywood Grind. Who do you think you're kidding?

Some sites will do anything to attract visitors. But there's such a thing as knowing when enough is enough. Below, you will see a set of images that the aforementioned site claims are Jayden James Federline pictures (link) but in reality are just a bunch of shadows. Thanks for wasting everyone's time.

Britney Spears Concert

 

According to these hack journalists, "here are the first pictures of Jayden James Federline who was being carried into mom Britney Spears‘ house last night. Jayden's head is near the left shoulder."

Yeah, and Lindsay Lohan is pure as the driven snow. Seriously! Are we supposed to believe these are pictures of Jayden James Federline? No way in hell those shadows are cast by Britney Spears. Try some dude with a digital camera and way too much time on his hands.

Don't believe the hype, Britney fans. Be patient. K-Fed has a CD coming out soon, and you can bet your bottom dollar that these PR hounds will release Jayden James Federline pics right around then. No one has them yet. But when they are released, T.H. Gossip will be the first to have them. You know where to find us.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Good grief. We thought our Spooky Halloween Costume gallery was terrifying when we first compiled it... but that was before a snubbed, sickly celeb decided to show T.H. Gossip up.

Yes, it's Mary-Kate Olsen. Or a really realistic-looking ghost. We aren't really sure which, but regardless, she/it has evidently not eaten since August. Those crazy Olsen twins have enough money to buy the entire food supply of some countries, but can't bring themselves to ingest the occasional meal.

Nate Lowman Picture

 

Yikes. Sad, sad, sad. What would Max Snow think? If this picture is an indication of what image is cool in show biz nowadays, a whole bunch of restaurant owners in California are about to go under. There is only so much Jennifer Love Hewitt can do.

You'd think she could fit anything into her oversized bag, and you'd think that she would be unable to lift said bag, but Mary-Kate still proved us wrong -- not only carrying the bag, but managing to juggle a few choice accessories while out in Beverly Hills on Tuesday. Later on she proceeded to juggle Stavros Niarchos' b- never mind.

by Mischalova at . Comments

And this all took place at the same event! A gala at New York City's Whitney Museum, naturally.

Michelle Williams at the Spirit Awards

Let's start with everyone's favorite Uma. Thurman wouldn't leave hotelier beau Andre Balazs's side while posing for photos throughout the evening. The couple got cuddly for photographers, and when Thurman was asked to pose alone, she said: "I'm not solo so I'm not standing solo."

Yup, Uma and Andre were more attached than Rumer Willis to Lindsay Lohan.

Meanwhile, Michelle Williams was interview by People magazine at the afterparty. She was asked if her and Heath Ledger planned to instill an appreciation for at in baby Matilda.

"Well, where we live we have a lot of art on the wall, and we have a lot of sophisticated things in the nursery," Williams said. "But we try to keep it real and child-friendly, but with stuff that will last a lifetime."

Finally, the Idiot of the Night award went to ex-Saturday Night Live star and unfunny man, Jimmy Fallon.

He actually showed up wearing a Paul McCartney button and touting: He's the best. He's the one and only. "He's my man. He's my favorite. Yeah, I love Paul. I've got to support him."

That's like supporting Brangelina in its fight against gay marriage critics. Which other side would you take, Jimmy?!?

McCartney is filing from a divorce from a money hungry former call girl. There's a reason you haven't seen any Heather Mills buttons around.

Instead of treating the revered ex-Beatle like a charity case and exploiting his situation for personal attention, try not laughing at your own jokes for a change, Fallon.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Performing with the Pussycat Dolls (a.k.a. PCD) is apparently becoming a Hollywood hottie rite of passage. Everyone's angling to loosen up their buttons and shake things up on stage with the Dolls, even if that's not actually possible -- you either undo the buttons or you don't.

THG NOTE: Isn't it appropriate that as a six-girl crew, PCD technically constitutes a sextet?

Nick and Vanessa Photo

Anyway, it's only fitting, given the popularity of PCD and Hollywood stars guest starring with them, what T.H. Gossip learned this morning. The lovely and in-demand Vanessa Minnillo, 25, will join the raunchy feline crew at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge at Pure in Las Vegas Nov. 10.

After that? Nick Lachey's lady friend has joined the cast of 2007's Fantastic Four sequel, her rep confirms. Yes, that means Vanessa Minnillo and Jessica Alba in the same motion picture. Can we purchase tickets in advance?

by Mischalova at . Comments

Before we go off on the usual Paris Hilton bashing, let us just say:

It's nice to see she's making at least some effort to make up for her drunk driving arrest. It's scary, but Hilton actually is a role model to younger women, she should try to send them positive messages such as the one detailed below.

Paris Hilton Baby Bump?

Yech. That's enough Paris complimenting. We feel dirt.

Still, the December issue of Seventeen magazine features the heiress â€" who was arrested on September 7 in L.A. for allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol â€" on the cover and in a full-page PSA, in which she warns readers not to get behind the wheel if they've had any alcohol.

"All it takes is one drink to mess with the way you drive â€" it clouds your judgment and slows your reflexes. Don't take any chances. It just isn't worth it," Hilton says in the ad.

It's a solid PR move. Now we can't wait for the PSA advising against fights with Shanna Moakler.

Of course, Hilton couldn't resist also touching upon her favorite subject in the magazine story. She says she hasn't reached her sexual peak.

"I think you like [sex] when you're, like, in your thirties," Hilton says. "That's what someone told me. We'll see."

Lord knows she's been practicing for it in the meantime. Right, Stavros Niarchos? Travis Barker? Random dude waiting for the bus?

by Free Britney at . Comments

So Kevin Federline and his wife like to party separately.

We've established this in the past, but it's looking more apparent than ever in recent days. While K-Fed gets his drink on, Britney Spears has been spending nights at the Beverly Hills hotel instead of at home, but sources say their marriage of two years is fine.

The Circus Main Event

Their newest child, Jayden James Federline, was born September 12, but Federline seems to be concentrating more on his other baby -- his CD, Playing With Fire, out October 31 -- than on his family.

"Kevin's schedule's packed with promotional appearances," a pal of Federline, 28, tells Us.

On October 18 -- the day after the lovely Spears, 24, went to Las Vegas with Sean Preston, 13 months, and their newborn son -- K-Fed partied at L.A.'s Les Deux.

The following night at club Element, he toasted his Tonight Show With Jay Leno performance. And the next night, K-Fed danced with a mystery woman at Area.

"They had their arms around each other briefly," a witness tells Us.

Says a K-Fed pal, "It's still an obstacle for him to balance family and partying. Kevin's gonna be Kevin. But Britney knows that."

Spears, for her part, hit Vegas clubs Pure and Tao with a gal pal October 19.

"She was dancing and twirling around," says a witness.

She returned to L.A. the next day, but by October 23, the pair were apart again: He was in Chicago to appear on WWE's Monday Night RAW; she checked into the Hotel Bel-Air. But despite their separate schedules, a pal says, "They love each other no matter what."

It's no thang. K-Fed can just carry Jayden James pictures in his wallet.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Good news for Jennifer Love Hewitt: There will soon be a new place for you to gorge on cheeseburgers.

And - based on the picture to the right - the chef cooking up your favorite food may not be wearing a shirt. But topless or not, Rachael Ray has announced her next brand extension will involve burgers.

Chef at the White House

Ray told an audience at the American Magazine Conference in Phoenix on Sunday she will open the yet-untitled "burger joint" in New York, based on 190 burger recipes she has cooked up.

"We'll rotate them . Tuna burgers, swordfish burgers, turkey burgers," Ray said. "I like anything you can pick up with your hands - portable food."

Interesting. Nicole Richie would say the same thing, but it would be anything you can regurgitate with your stomach - vomitable food.

Ray also commented on her growing rival, Martha Stewart, saying: "Her brand is about striving for perfection. Ours is ... 'eh.'"

"I've never felt influenced by her," Ray said. "But I wish her nothing but good, warm, wonderful success."

And she almost got it out with a straight face. Still, this feud isn't very exciting. Who can produce the better cupcake? Wake us when it's over. Give us Heather Mills versus the entire British journalism world instead.

by Mischalova at . Comments

When your stepfather is only 28 years old - and is most well-known for a reality TV show based on celebrity pranks - it may not be so easy to take his advice.

Nevertheless, Rumer Willis to listen up.

Raising Funds

In at least one instance, your quasi dad, Ashton Kutcher, knows what he's talking about.

According to Life & Style Weekly, Kutcher believes "education is very important ... and he's afraid Rumer will think partying is better than studying."

Even worse, of course, is who Rumer has actually been living it up with: uber-skank, Lindsay Lohan. Reports have even stated that Willis is the personal assistant for Lohan, which can only mean she fans the flames of Lindsay's firecrotch and fluffs the pillow for the actress before every evening's sexual conquest.

And she's loving it! The same publication quotes a source as saying: "Rumer can't stop gushing about how cool Lindsay is. [She] feels honored by Lindsay's attention."

So the issue here isn't what Ashton said or didn't say; it's why Rumer's real father, Bruce Willis, hasn't stepped up and gone Die Hard on his daughter's behind.

It's bad enough you gave her that name, Bruce. Don't let her ruin her life because of it.

by Mischalova at . Comments

The wrath of Heather Mills will soon be felt by a pair of newspapers in Great Britain. No, this doesn't mean she'll be posing nude for them. We don't think.

Ugly Hair

Instead, the alleged former call girl and definitive current gold digger is suing the publications for "false, damaging and immensely upsetting" stories surrounding her divorce from Paul McCartney.

The law firm Mishcon de Reya named the Daily Mail and London's Evening Standard as the subject of legal proceedings, adding that a suit will also be filed against The Sun.

Mills, of course, is totally innocent in this whole ordeal - NOT!

She's been using the media all along for her own purposes. The suit seems akin to Jayden James Federline suing Sutton Pierce Federline for name infringment. In other words:

It doesn't make any sense.

Heather states she's been vilified in the media and is now being stalked by photographers. It alleges that other newspapers have also printed false statements, but the three listed would be the focus of the lawsuit.

"She cannot sue - for now, at least - every single newspaper that has published false, damaging, and immensely upsetting statements about her. She should not thereby be taken to have accepted that these statements are true," the statement read.

Associated Newspapers, the publisher of the Daily Mail and the Evening Standard, said the stories about Mills in both papers "were obtained by proper methods and in accordance with good journalistic practice."

"Our exclusive stories were extensively followed up in detail by all other newspapers and media outlets," it said in a statement. The publisher said it would deal with the legal claim "in the normal way."

Mills probably can't relate to that way. It would be like asking Mischa Barton to handle something in a non-anorexic way.

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