Tale of the Tape: Olsen Twins vs. Simpson Sisters

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The Hollywood Gossip is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world that you might never have considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our current match-up features a pair of sisters... that's four celebs in all. You know these siblings well, and may harbor strong feelings towards them. Some of you may have even slept with one of them. Who are we to say? All we know is that when the gloves come off between the Olsen Twins and the spawn of Crazy Joe Simpson, you are gonna see some insane $h!t.

Jessica On Her Back

But enough with the hype. Here's Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen vs. Jessica and Ashlee Simpson for all the marbles. Ding, Ding!

1. PARENTAL INFLUENCE

Mary-Kate / Ashley: The fraternal twins have been forced to appear in TV and films since infancy, and are probably f*%ked in the brain for life
Jessica / Ashlee: At least they had a somewhat normal childhood before fame turned their Dad into an insane person
Edge: Simpsons

2. CHEST SIZE

Mary-Kate / Ashley: Nothing to write home (or blogs) about
Jessica / Ashlee: Have you seen this Jessica Simpson picture? Ashlee isn't hurting in this department, either...
Edge: Simpsons

3. STYLE

Mary-Kate / Ashley: While both have become style icons, Mary-Kate dresses more chic, while Ashley is more conventionally stylish. Both are known for wearing flip-flops, as well as accessories such as large sunglasses
Jessica / Ashlee: Whatever she wears looks hot (Jessica); Changes look too often to be recognized (Ashlee)
Edge: Simpsons

4. CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Mary-Kate / Ashley: Starred on Full House (1987-1995), along with more than a dozen movies; Youngest people ever to receive stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
Jessica / Ashlee: Six studio albums and more than 16,000,000 units sold between them; Various acting roles
Edge: Olsens

5. EATING DISORDERS

Mary-Kate / Ashley: May not have ingested food since 2002
Jessica / Ashlee: Ashlee has slimmed down, but not to that degree
Edge: Olsens

6. EX-BOYFRIENDS, HUSBANDS, RANDOM HOOKUPS

Mary-Kate / Ashley: Stavros Niarchos
Jessica / Ashlee: Nick Lachey, Braxton Olita, John Mayer, Bam Margera
Edge: Simpsons

7. FINANCIAL SITUATION

Mary-Kate / Ashley: Reported to be worth $150 million each; Named the "Most Powerful Young Women in Hollywood" by the Hollywood Reporter
Jessica / Ashlee: Very wealthy, but only making real money in the past five years or so... plus, Nick Lachey could take a lot of Jessica's dough!
Edge: Olsens

8. CONTROVERSIES & SCANDALS

Mary-Kate / Ashley: Eating disorders, drug abuse, acting like bitches to Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan
Jessica / Ashlee: Little talent, adultery, plastic surgery accusations, bogus sex tapes, lip-synching on TV
Edge: Even

9. MEMORABLE QUOTES

Mary-Kate / Ashley: "I want to go to culinary school because I love cooking. One day I'd love to open up a restaurant or cafe." -- Mary-Kate Olsen
Jessica / Ashlee: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the Sea.'" -- Jessica Simpson
Edge: Simpsons

10. OVERALL HOTNESS

Mary-Kate / Ashley: Stay away!
Jessica / Ashlee: Any day!
Edge: Simpsons

THE VERDICT: Sorry, Mary-Kate and Ashlee. Jessica and Ashlee have ruled this duel and straight up bitch-slapped you with a commanding 6.5-3.5 victory. Go do some drugs and throw up today's lunch to make yourselves feel better.

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funny that because jessica and ashlee r pal with olsen and bucci twins

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jessica is cute but so is ashlee and olsen r great

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what lot off shit because jessica and olsen r pals

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You're so mean! Don't you ever think about anyone else than yourself? What if you were they? How would you feel? Amazing?! I love Olsen twins and I know that there are many others who think so too! So please if you ever mind stop talking such a shit like this!! Just live your life! Take care Olsens!

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u know what? THESE GIRLS ARE SO GODDAMNLY HOT! THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO NOW IS TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM! ... and maybe eat something...

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lay off the olsen twins. Its not their fault their parents pushed them into Hollywood before they were old enough to make that choice an who knows how that effects ya thats why most child actors do have multiple problems.No amount of doe can replace lost childhood years!

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LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY THE OLSEN TWINS R THE BEST FEMALES ON THIS PLANET I LOVE U OLSENS

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i think marykate and ashley should have one that one ther so much pretter and cooler and they r a way better role model for kids. i love Marykate and Ashley

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simpson are copy olsen be they have work to to their face olsen have any work done.

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Ashlee Simpson Biography

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz Oh, Ashlee Simpson, ye of little worth. She is Jessica's annoying, less hot, talentless, plastic surgery-loving little sister. Woo! Yup,... More »
Born
Birthplace
Dallas, Texas
Full Name
Ashlee Nicole Simpson-Wentz

Ashlee Simpson Quotes

I didn't know I'd be getting married right now, but I'm so happy to be! I'm a lucky girl.

Ashlee Simpson

Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something?

Ashlee Simpson [avoiding pregnancy questions]
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