Sucky Paris Hilton Doesn't Actually Suck

Let's review what we've learned about Paris Hilton this week:

She cries over her music. She's overrated. She can't dance.

Thanks to a recent interview with Blender magazine, fans also now have a glimpse into what's going down in Paris' world. Here's a hint: it ain't Paris.

"My mom told me that you get those holes in your face, craters â€" she knew this person who had craters. I'm like, ‘What is that from?' She's like, 'from giving blow jobs.'

"I'm like, ‘You get craters?' And I totally believed her. She's like, ‘It's from sucking.' I'm like, ‘Ewwww!' I told my boyfriend â€" he's like, ‘Why don't you ever do that?' I'm like, ‘Because my mom told me you get these craters.' And he's like, ‘Paris, you're 19. You're allowed to do this.'"

Sucks for you, Stavros. Or, unfortunately, it doesn't. We're sure this is the reason Hilton abstains from providing oral pleasure, though. It's not because she's selfish and spoiled or anything.