Some Fool is Stalking Lindsay Lohan

Typically, we'd be in favor of ANYthing that causes Lindsay Lohan to lose sleep and fire off hilarious, self-pitying emails.
However, the problem with the news that someone is stalking Lohan is this: it makes the sex-crazed anorexic think she's important. After all, you don't see random celebrities such as Bob Uecker being stalked.

Oh, wait.

The alleged stalker has sent several letters to Lohan asking to meet her, each one ending with his name and phone number. This is the worst stalker ever! A source connected to Lohan says her "top notch" security is getting in touch with the man in question.

In addition to sending letters, the obsessed fan has sent Lohan flowers at the studio. The nerve! Of course, Lindsay isn't used to receiving anything from men but a check on the bedroom dresser. If you know what we're saying.

We're saying she's a dirty harlot.