August 2006 Archives

Let's just just say that bottles of Andre won't exactly be served at the November wedding of Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z.

The couple, otherwise known as Beyon-J, will be sparing no expense for the nuptials. The current over/under on number of Dom Perignon corks popped is 317.

Reports state that Beyonce and her booty will be shelling out $3 million for the bash on the Caribbean island of Anguilla, a tenth of which - $300,000 â€" will be allotted for the Beluga caviar alone. Also on the menu will be lobster and Italian truffles.

Ashlee Simpson is hoping to snag an invite. Her post-meal vomit would never taste so yummy!

While we don't actually envision the hip hop goddess to be counting that young pop star on a guest, The Gossip has learned of a pair that will be attending the festivities.

Oprah Winfrey and UN Secretary-General, Kofi Annan, will be among the guests. Keep your eye on Kofi, Beyonce. That guy loves his caviar.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your Arizona Cardinals as they make their way into Firecrotch Stadium!

Such an annoucement may not be so far-fetched, now that the family of Lindsay Lohan's summer boy toy, billionaire Harry Morton, has put in a bid for the naming rights for the home of the NFL's Cardinals.

The Mortons have offered $5 million for the new stadium's naming rights, the largest amount ever presented in Arizona history. That's why Airhead Arena or Promiscuous Park aren't out of the question.

Morton is the President and CEO of the Pink Taco restaurant chain. His family recently sold its stake in Morton's Steakhouse, the Hard Rock Cafe, and the Hotel & Casino for approximately $1.2 billion. That's almost as many dollars as guys Lindsay has spread her legs for.

While we kid about such names as the Neighborhood Bicycle Bowl, the family is more likely to go with a traditional moniker, such as Pink Taco Stadium. So, in other words, it'll be based on Lohan no matter what.

In other football-related news, Morton is friends with Cardinals' quarterback Matt Leinart - who's been romantically linked to Lindsay's arch enemy Paris Hilton.

So there's another idea for the stadium's name: Catfight Coliseum. Leave us a comment now with your suggestions!

It's not easy being the Teen Choice Award Hottie. While Jessica Alba was all smiles at the award show over the weekend, she was actually hiding a gorgeous deformity, a result of an encounter with Dane Cook.

"We did all of our love scenes in one day and I chipped a tooth and I lost a tooth, isn't that disgusting? We're smashing our faces together, it's not the slowest, most romantic love scene," said Alba.

But it was still a love scene, Dane, you rascal. Alba showed off the gaps left by her rough sex scenes to EXTRA at an event for BeMoreYou.com, an organization which helps empower and improve the self esteem of teenage girls. Don't worry, they didn't invite Ashlee Simpson.

"It's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy. It's about loving yourself, being proud of who you are and proud of how God put you together," Jessica said.

Easy for her to say, of course. The Big Man Upstairs took extra care with this beauty.

Go to a movie theater, watch a romantic comedy, see a couple fall madly in love. Unfortunately for actors, real life doesn't always follow a script.

Ask Zach Braff. While promoting his new film, The Last Kiss, Braff opened up about the troubles of dating in Tinseltown. He had his own problems earlier this when he and Mandy Moore broke up.

"A relationship is hard, doing it in the public eye is something that's very new to me. I was a waiter give years ago and when I was a waiter nobody was telling lies about me in the tabloids. But it's par for the course," said the Scrubs star.

One recent tabloid rumor even linked him with Jessica Simpson, but Braff insists the gossip isn't true: "

Totally made up. I've met her a couple times, she's a sweet girl but I think I saw her two months ago at a bar in the Hamptons and that was it."

Oh well. Maybe if Scrubs wins an Emmy Award, the ladies will come running.

Ari Gold isn't so menacing when he's playing with his puppy.

As the man behind that character, Jeremy Piven doesn't seem too stressed out about his Emmy Award nomination. Maybe his best friend is providing him with some last-minute fashion tips in this shot.

We're sure of one thing, however: unlike Paris Hilton and her supposed furry friend, there was no biting going on here.

Hey, don't blame Lindsay Lohan for how many guys she's been a mean naughty girl to - it's television's fault. The promiscuous actress claims her attitude to men has been shaped by watching Sex and the City.

Perish this gross thought, readers: The show started when Lindsay was 12. Even then, she was quite the fan.

"Sex and the City changed everything for me, because those girls would just sleep with so many people."

Firecrotch has a point. After all, Osama bin Laden blames the violence on 24 for his tendencies and beliefs.

Lohan also admits she has a double standard when she's in a relationship:

"If I'm going to give my body to someone, I'd rather them not be with other people. But I want to be able to if I like someone else."

Oh, Harry Morton, how lucky you are! In wholly unrelated news, we hope you've been tested for every STD in the planet recently.

Meanwhile, is there a chance Paris Hilton was referring to her rival when she uttered the following:

"It's sexier when a girl is flirty but she doesn't do anything .. Girls need to calm down and realize that sex isn't everything. It's frightening. Women are getting as bad as boys now for sleeping around."

Amen, Paris. Maybe you don't suck after all. No, seriously, we know you don't.

Osama bin Laden once professed his love for Whitney Houston in an interview, saying she is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, and adding that he'd like to have her husband, Bobby Brown, killed. While Osama would probably say the same for us, and you, reading this at home, it's possible he held Brown in particularly strong contempt, given that he gets to wax that booty. And he does, Osama. Hard.

In any case, we put together the following image of the crazy Al Qaeda mastermind expressing his true feelings for Mr. Brown. One might go so far as to say it's bin Laden's prerogative to off him. Eh? Forget it.

An embarrassing rap performance by Kevin Federline is being derided as a not-ready-for-prime-time disaster by critics in both cyberspace and the hip-hop community.

We are talking, of course, about Sunday night, when Mr. Britney Spears performed his new single, "Lose Control," to a peppy crowd at the 8th Annual Teen Choice Awards on Fox.

Introduced by his wife, who was dressed in a raunchy, cleavage-baring dress despite her pregnancy, Federline stalked across the stage with a bad ass attitude as attempted to rap about bling, Cristal and his own lyrical skillz.

Riiiiiiight.

It was easily the most anticipated performance of the night, and the most ridiculed. By morning, reviews and videos of it were splashed on websites like this one, accompanied by snarky comments ridiculing both K-Fed and his rough-looking better half.

And if you thought the web universe was less than welcoming to Federline's rapping ambitions, the hip-hop community is even less so.

"I just think we ignore him. He's a joke, basically… I just don't think he gets it. He doesn't get that he's Britney's man and it's hard to take him seriously," said Elliot Wilson, editor in chief of XXL magazine.

Jermaine Hall, executive editor of King magazine, echoed that sentiment.

"The thing that really hurts him is the fact that he's perceived as Britney's husband," Hall said. "You know, kinda like Britney's second. I don't even want to say second in command, but he's like the Britney Boy. He's like Mrs. Spears, and it's kinda hard to get over that perception."

Federline is expected to release his debut hip-hop album, Playing With Fire, in October. Hall said that despite the barbs K-Fed is getting, he still has a shot at success.

"All you can do, is really just keep on plugging. He's definitely going to have a teenage female fan base. So, you know, make songs that cater to them. Keep it clubby, keep it hoppy, keep it happy," Hall said.

In what can't be considered a good sign for Federline, he was stood up at his Teen Choice Awards after-party by the likes of Nelly Furtado, Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook (the latter pair co-hosted the event). Reason being? None of them wanted to pretend they liked his effort. But hey â€" at least one celebrity showed up: Britney Spears! You gotta start somewhere.

Eager minds and probing cameras again went behind the scenes as the new cast of MTV's new season of Laguna Beach posed for the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly.

We compiled a full breakdown of the hot new cast, along with a preview of Season 3 last week. But for those of you who can't get enough Laguna, our friends at TMZ have a video that features clips of the Cali cuties.

During the shoot with photographer Jim Wright, Caleb, Cami, Kelan, Chase, Tessa and Kyndra let EW in on what we can expect this season -- "We do a lot more crazy stuff," one brags -- as well as their favorite bands (Muse, Red Hot Chili Peppers) and their favorite TV shows, which include Family Guy and Grey's Anatomy.

Kyndra, one of this season's central characters, even proffered some love advice for Meredith Grey, Ellen Pompeo's character on Grey's Anatomy.

"I want to see if she picks McDreamy... She better," Kyndra said.

Check out this picture of Mischa Barton we found online today! Oh, wait… is that Nicole Richie? It could be, right? We thought so, but it looks like we were wrong on both counts. This is actually a malnourished Ashlee Simpson, people. Talentless, annoying and now wasting away to nothing, Jessica's little sis could be described as a drain on the world's resources… only she never eats.

Good God. If this is not a prime example of the danger of eating disorders, T.H. Gossip really isn't sure what is. NOTE: You can now vote for Ashlee in our official poll!