Music Critic to Paris Hilton: Don't Quit Your Day Job

You know, continue to earn money for waving at people and sleep with every guy on two feet.

So recommends the music critic for the London Guardian, after listening to the debut album from Paris Hilton.

"She sounds both distracted and bored stiff, as if making an album is keeping her from the more serious business of standing around a nightclub in a pair of really enormous sunglasses," said the top critic in all the land. "Listening to her sing Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy," you are gripped by the fear that civilization as we know it is doomed and that brimstone is going to start raining from the sky any minute.

It doesn't, but a sense of terrible foreboding is further stoked by the sleeve notes, which make reference to ‘all my albums to come.'"

Yikes. One can only hope Paris catches an STD from new pal, Jenna Jameson; preferable, one that renders her vocal chords useless.

One song on the album, meanwhile, addresses one of the many woes facing a rich, lazy, skeleton of an heiress : how guys battle for her affections.

In "Fightin' Over Me," Hilton sings about the numerous gentlemen callers that wish to visit the main attractions in Paris, if you know what we're saying.

We're saying A LOT of guys have sex with Paris Hilton.