Music Critic to Paris Hilton: Don't Quit Your Day Job
You know, continue to earn money for waving at people and sleep with every guy on two feet.
So recommends the music critic for the London Guardian, after listening to the debut album from Paris Hilton.
"She sounds both distracted and bored stiff, as if making an album is keeping her from the more serious business of standing around a nightclub in a pair of really enormous sunglasses," said the top critic in all the land. "Listening to her sing Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy," you are gripped by the fear that civilization as we know it is doomed and that brimstone is going to start raining from the sky any minute.
It doesn't, but a sense of terrible foreboding is further stoked by the sleeve notes, which make reference to âall my albums to come.'"
Yikes. One can only hope Paris catches an STD from new pal, Jenna Jameson; preferable, one that renders her vocal chords useless.
One song on the album, meanwhile, addresses one of the many woes facing a rich, lazy, skeleton of an heiress : how guys battle for her affections.
In "Fightin' Over Me," Hilton sings about the numerous gentlemen callers that wish to visit the main attractions in Paris, if you know what we're saying.
We're saying A LOT of guys have sex with Paris Hilton.
August 17th, 2006 5:30 PM
I really wish this bitch would just die a slow, painful death. I honestly cannot think of a more useless, spoiled, ignorant, egotistical waste of space than this STD-ridden whore. She has everything, and deserves NOTHING. It just drives me insane that there are starving people in this world, and this spoiled twat is running around making big bucks for doing absolutely nothing of value. She has absolutely NO value to society, except as a cautionary tale of how being a rich, spoiled, vapid cunt is not something to aspire to. She contributes nothing to anyone, she cares about nobody but herself, she is a walking joke and the living embodiment of greed, vanity, and idleness. She should be scorned and ridiculed as the leech she is, and not glorified in any way. She needs to be an example of all that is wrong in the world, so that nobody will ever aspire to be like her. I hope there is such a thing as karma, because I want to see her as a fat, poor, homeless person with open sores covering her face, living in a cardboard box wearing rags. And all that money of hers should be taken away and given to hardworking people that get shit on in life, but who contribute to the greater good. Parasite is why I do not believe in God, if there was a God, he would not allow worthless whores like her to have everything, while decent, honest, good people get shit upon and have to struggle for everything. She makes me sick to my stomach...I would laugh if she died, and I know that is terrible, but I hate her that much.