Kevin Federline Makes Us Embarrassed to Be Alive; Rest of Teen Choice Awards Light-Hearted and Fun

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As eagerly anticipated by all of us at T.H. Gossip, Kevin Federline capped off the 8th Annual Teen Choice Awards on Sunday with the worst performance in music history. One would think K-Fed could not possibly sink below the rock-bottom expectations we had for him, but he managed to accomplish that feat and then some.

Kevin Federline Black Card

In an effort to establish his own career and remove himself from the shadow of wife Britney Spears, Federline made his rap debut after being introduced by... Britney Spears! The pregnant pop princess wore a cleavage-baring dress, chewing her gum obnoxiously and introducing her deadbeat spouse hubby to the audience.

"This show has been very good to me and my career over the years. And I'm hoping that it will be as good to our next performer," she said.

In a white Dodgers hat and trademark clothes 10 sizes too large, Federline prowled and jumped around the stage, surrounded by young dancers. Isn't K-Fed supposed to be a dancer himself?

NOTE TO SELF: When embarking on my own music career, distract the audience from my utter lack of talent with some flashy lighting and a pack of crazy break dancers.

"I ain't here to brag," he rapped in a tough-guy style.

That's good, because there was certainly nothing to brag about, with the possible exception of having married Britney Spears and knocked her up twice, virtually assuring himself of millions.

The tabloid-popular couple have an infant son, Sean Preston, and they are expecting their second child next month. Federline is expected to release his debut album, Playing With Fire, in August. Last night he performed its first single, "Lose Control."

We almost did -- of our dinner.

With celebrities sweltering in the late summer heat, the overall mood at the Teen Choice Awards was light, and the clothing sparse.

Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook hosted the award show, in which votes are cast by fans on various online sites for the top celebrities in TV, music, fashion, sports and film.

Reese Witherspoon, who won best actress in a drama for her role in Walk the Line, said backstage that her surfboard-shaped green and yellow award was going to her daughter.

"I love the younger fans," said Witherspoon, who spent the summer hanging out with her kids.

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, who won for best movie liplock for their long smooch in The Lake House, joked about their first respective kisses.

"I started out young. I was making out at 9 years old like a bandit... I didn't like being a teenager at all," Bullock said.

Girlish screams welcomed the handsome duo of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, who each snagged an award for their swashbuckling parts in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, which picked up seven honors.

Even potentially uncomfortable moments were smudged with humor.

"I just want to start off by saying... awkward, a little bit," said Nick Lachey, who won choice love song for "What's Left of Me," his top-selling number that re-creates his publicized breakup with Simpson.

Performers other than Federline included breakout female musician winner Rihanna and V Cast Music winner Nelly Furtado, who donned snug-fitting jeans and a spangly black top to sing her hit song "Promiscuous" with producer Timbaland. Suffice it to say, it was an MVP-like performance, not unlike Steve Nash.

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Kevin Federline Biography

Family Love! Yo, it's Kevin Federline, yo. Werrrrrd. He's a deadbeat with no redeeming worth whatsoever, but yo, Federleezy is extremely fertile,... More »
Born
Birthplace
Fresno, California
Full Name
Kevin Earl Federline