Once you finish guffawing over the brilliant pun use in our headline, make time to pick up the August issue of Elle magazine. In it, you'll hear Pirates of the Caribbean swashbuckler, Orlando Bloom, gush about his co-star, Keira Knightley.
"She hasn't picked up any sort of entourage," Bloom said. "She surrounds herself with friends and family, which is key to maintaining a sense of reality even when everything seems unreal. She just possesses that rare grounded quality."
You'll also hear from the cover girl herself on topics such as:
Her Oscar nomination:
"For ages and ages, everybody was going, â€˜Oh, she's just a pretty face. She absolutely can't act.' And I was always going, â€˜Well, maybe they're right; I don't know.' So that at least shut them up for a while."
Her performance in Pride & Prejudice:
"I still have nightmares about that film. I wake up thinking, Oh sh-t, I should have played it like that or I should have done this like that. I can't watch it because I'll just be going, â€˜Why did you do that?'"
Whether she gets paid more to do nudity in films*:
"I've heard stories of actresses who, like, added a million to their contract if they did it, but I guess I started doing it so early on, people just go, â€˜Oh, you don't have to pay her more to do it. You'd have to pay her to keep them on."
What body part she would change:
"I hate my legs. They're awful. I'd make them longer and less wobbly. And I'd tone down my ass. That I could do very simply by just working out, but I obviously don't want it that much."
Her digitally enganced boobs on the King Arthur poster:
"â€¦they showed me the first copy and these things must have been double Es, and they were down to my knees. I was like, â€˜I don't mind you making them bigger, but don't give me fâ€"king droopy breasts! They look like your grandmother's t-ts.'"
Whether she's a good girlfriend**:
"No, I'm awful. I always have freak-outs. I don't know why anyone puts up with me. I'm mostly an emotional wreck."
Rachel McAdams walking out on the nude Vanity Fair cover shoot:
"It was actually pretty undramatic as I remember it. Quite early on Rachel just said, â€˜No, I'm not into that.' She's a lovely girl, and I really respect her for doing thatâ€¦Both me and Scarlett [Johansson] said, â€˜This is definitely something that we're up for.' So why not? It's something to show the grandchildren."
* Could someone let us know what movies Keira has been nude in?
** The Gossip volunteers to act as a boyfriend and find out about said emotion