A Special Interview with a Distraught Paris Hilton

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Yesterday, TMZ.com had the good fortune - or awful, awful fortune - of sitting down with Paris Hilton and discussing a few of the posts fans haters have left for her on that website.

Harvey Levin had the dishonor of such an assignment. Before we get into the heartfelt phony responses from Hilton, let's look over some of the feelings users have expressed about this hideous human being, those that Paris refers to as "mean and sadistic" and The Gossip refers to as "hilarious and spot-on":

Sad Paris
  • "Paris is just an overused human condom."
  • "Paris is like a fart in a mitten. You know it's there, you can't stand it, but you can't get rid of it."
  • "Would you please drop over dead or commit suicide you damn slut?"

Hilton had a simple, completely false reply: "I'm far less promiscuous than any of my friends."

We know what you're thinking, guys:where can we meet these friends?

As for the infamous sex tape with ex-lover Rick Solomon, Hilton said "I'm judged because of something that an ex-boyfriend did to me. I'm not a slut at all."

Got that?!? Those royalties she received in exchange for not pursuing a lawsuit - and the fact that it made her well-known in the first place - are nothing compared to the false image of this innocent soul as a home-wrecking whore.

Overall, Hilton says that many of the TMZ comments are "very hurtful" to her and that some make her cry. She says "They think I don't have any feelings."

We think readers of The Gossip can do better with their insults. Let's hear it, people!

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Um... holla?

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You know *hayley*, people would be inclined to take you far more seriously if you took your finger of caps lock.. Paris is clearly a slut. There have been too many 'accidental' flange flashes as she steps out of cars etc for her not to be.

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Paris will survive! Paris will always have money

Free-britney

Come on now. How is she not a slut? She allowed herself to get boned senseless on videotape, used it to make herself famous, got paid a lot of money as a result, and has dated like 10 guys since then. Read the news you dumbass. Sure, we don't know how far she's gone with each of them. But do you honestly think she makes them wait until the second date? I highly doubt it. Paris has been slinging poon like a $2 whore when a n!gga rolls up with a fiver of rock. You can still be a fan of hers, but let's accept this as fact and move on.

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I SO AGREE WITH U TRISHA! PARIS HILTON IS THE COOLEST PRETTIEST GURL ON THIS EARTH SHE CANT HELP THAT SHE'S SO PERFECT!! SHE WAS JUST BORN TALENTED SHE'S A GREAT SINGER BOOK WRITER PERFUM MAKER!!!!SHE IS NOT A SLUT !!!! U WANNA KNOW WHO'S AN UGLY SLUT LINDSAY LOHAN THAT FIRE CROTCH IS THE REAL SLUT!!!PARIS HILTON IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING A SLUT!!!
FUCC ALL THE PEOPLE HATING ON PARIS U CAN GO SUCK A BIG FAT DI*K AND CHOKE ON IT BITCHEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It's because she has NO talent of any kind - she was born obscenely rich and just wants attention now however she can get it.

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Why does everyone hate Paris so much? I actually like her- she really isn't as bad as some other annoying stars out there (can you say Lindsay Lohan??) I guess everyone has their opinion though....

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Cry me a river, piss me a stream you poor pitiful wh*r*.

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Matt Leinart would be rolling in his grave if he could see this.

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how about.... The Drain on Society... and Your Hose!

Paris Hilton Biography

Ho Train On Us Weekly Cover Paris Hilton is a party host, bad actress, singer, model and painfully annoying skank based in Southern California. This former A-list... More »
Born
Birthplace
New York, New York
Full Name
Paris Whitney Hilton

Paris Hilton Quotes

We want to stay together forever. I wouldn't do a Vegas [wedding]. I don't know where or when but I do want it to be romantic.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]

He's my best friend. He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what.

Paris Hilton [on Benji Madden]
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